Find me here

Dear readers,

I have made it safely to Nashville, and have just completed a successful first week at the new job! Phew!

I have decided to transition from my Contemplative in the City blog to a different blog from now on. I wanted to maintain the integrity of Contemplative in the City for what it is, chronicling my life in Washington, D.C.

Please follow my musings and adventures now at my blog, titled Intimations of Grace: intimationsofgrace.blogspot.com

I am excited to begin a new chapter of life, and of blogging, and I hope you'll join me!

Onward to Nashville!

I head out bright and early tomorrow to Nashville. For the next couple weeks I will be blogging rather sporadically since I won't have accessible home internet service. Please keep me in your prayers as I begin this new chapter of my life. Thanks for sharing in my journey as a "Contemplative in the City" in Washington, D.C. See you in Nashville!

Words for today

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I will lead the blind on their journey ; by paths unknown I will guide them.
I will turn darkness into light before them, and make crooked ways straight.
These things I will do for them, and I will not forsake them."

~ Isaiah 42:16
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be not afraid

I am afraid.

Two days, and I am moving 700 miles away.

I am afraid of moving to a strange place. I am afraid of being so far away from my family. I am afraid because I am leaving dear friends. I am afraid because this next step means embarking into the unknown alone. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being lonely. I am afraid of the challenge of making new friends. I am afraid of what people will think of me, the new girl. I am afraid of the task of starting a new job.

Each time I have been about move on to something completely new in my life, I have been some combination of terrified, anticipatory, and uncertain all at the same time. It all adds up to a giant pit in my stomach. Right now, these feelings of fear and uncertainty consume me.

"Be not afraid. Open wide the doors to Christ."

I am clinging to these words of John Paul II - may they be my strength as I follow the Lord to where He has called me.

My favorite Washington D.C. city church -- St. Patrick's in Chinatown

Flickr/by taygete05

One of my favorite places in downtown D.C. has been St. Patrick's Cathedral, near the Penn Quarter/Chinatown area of the city. I love the architecture of the church, and the simple, peaceful interior, with it's soft white walls and saint icons above the altar. I always felt such a sense of serenity inside of this church -- the serenity of God's presence in the midst of the hustling, bustling city.

Fortunately, St. Patrick's Church was sort of on the way to work for me, so when I mustered up enough energy to make the early morning trek via bus and metro, I could attend Mass there before work. It was such a special morning ritual on the days I went to Mass there. I loved arriving at the church while it was still the blue dawn outside...much of the city still seemed to be asleep. Inside the walls of St. Patrick's I felt a unique ability to meditate on the scriptures in light of my upcoming work day. It was rejuvenating and encouraging to see the other downtown D.C. professionals that were regular Mass goers at St. Patrick's as well -- all coming to the fountain of grace to be spiritually fed before they embarked on their daily responsibilities.

After Mass ended, I loved opening the heavy wooden doors that immediately plop you out into the busy city blocks. Now, just 35 minutes later, the sun would be shining, the sidewalks crowded with people heading to work. I had received the Risen Lord, and now it was my unique task to talk Him into the world, in subtle and genuine ways, even just through a simple smile. I had faith that after receiving Him in the Eucharist, He would give me the opportunity to spread His light among; all of us who received the Eucharist during the work day, whether in the early morning, at noon-time, or during the after work commute, were walking tabernacles of His presence. What an honor and a gift.

Like many city churches, St. Patrick's is sandwiched between office buildings and whizzing traffic. Perhaps that's what I have loved most about St. Patricks. The way it is both an oasis of God's peace where one can take time away from the world; but at the same time, it is a witness to God's presence through which believers gain strength to bring God's love into the world.

Exactly where you are supposed to be

I wish I would have read this a long time ago...it describes everything that I sought to encompass in my Contemplative in the City life. An affirmation of the dignity and purpose of your unique work, exactly where you are:


"He [the worker] can comfort himself by the certainty that, if there is no sin in it, the work he must do is the work of God wants him to do, if not for ever, at least for today. If he is in this particular workroom or office it is because here it is that Christ wishes to be today. If he is among these particular people it is because to these particular people that Christ wants to give his love today. If he has this particular work to do, it is because Christ wants that particular work done in his way. Because these facts are true, it is a more glorious and a more apostolic thing for that boy to do that job, in the name and the power of Christ, than (imagining this to be possible) to convert the whole of Asia in his own name and power. To do the ordinary work of the world with Christ's integrity is to be about the Father's business." ~ Caryll Houselander


Happy workday, friends. Work in the confidence that you are doing His work, exactly where you are.

Letting Love in

From Kelly Foster's gripping post on the Good Letters blog:

"There is nothing more difficult, there is nothing more risky in the whole of the world, than to believe in your bones that you are loved [by God]. To shoulder the weight of that is too much for most of us, and so we don’t. We evade. We duck and cover. We settle. We run and hide.

But I don’t want to do that anymore. And I am trying to learn how to open myself just a fraction to a kind of love—a love that transcends circumstance or condition—that I know has the power to demolish me.

There is an oft-quoted line of Blake’s that I’ve kept with me for years, “We are here to learn to endure the beams of love.”

And so enduring, the ground then shifts beneath us. For a second, the glory in those around us is revealed, the fire in our hearts becomes too much to bear, the beauty of the world is a drum that beats too loud. And staggered but humbled, we keep going. We pray to know Love Loving. And pray never to forget it again."

God pulls through just in time

Well, my friends, I am thrilled to report that I have found and purchased a wonderful car. It's a 2005 Honda Civic, with all of the features that I wanted to find in a car, in excellent condition, and at a reasonable price. I am very excited, my first car ever! God is good, very good. The salesmen at this dealership were very helpful, pleasant to work with, and very accommodating in helping me navigate through the complicated process of buying a car in Virginia in the midst of moving to Tennessee. What a relief!

God's timing was a little too slow for me, but it was His perfect timing and He has got me covered. Because I went to the dealership when I did, and they had had the car for a little while, the salesmen were looking to make a sale and very open to price negotiation which was such a blessing. This might not have been the case had I discovered this car a few weeks ago.

Every time that I need to trust God will provide for my needs, every time when He is stretching my trust, I have to remember that "those who trust the Lord will not lack any good thing" ~ Psalm 34:10. Because it is true that He takes care of His children, and covers us with His providential care. I need to remember that the Lord has been abundantly faithful in providing everything from housing to transportation to friendships in the past and that He will continue to provide every good thing for me as I journey into the unknown.

If you are in the midst of a trial that is testing your patience and perseverance, remember the faithfulness of the Lord; even if it is through gritted teeth, press forward and know that it will come together in His time. Over and over again, though the process is often wearisome and discouraging, the Lord has proven that He will deliver on His promises, solve our quandaries, and provide for our needs. It will not come a minute too soon, nor a minute too late:

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay. "
~ Habakkuk 2:3

Thank you Jesus.

"

Surrender is hard work

We've all heard countless times that the key to our peace in any situation, large or small is that we surrender our will to God's will. We have to trust in His providence, and abandon ourselves to His providence and He will take care of the rest.

For the weary, exhausted person tired of dealing with the challenge at hand, the idea of surrender is quite appealing. When I finally reach the point of letting go of a particular trial in my life, I think that in the back of my mind, I am expecting that now that I have decided to surrender, the hard work on my part is over. God will just take care of everything. I'm off the hook.

Unfortunately though, this is not usually the case. Surrender does not mean that we will immediately be freed from the grunt work and our problems will be miraculously solved.

This hit me hard today as I continued on my car search. I spent six hours this afternoon (my brother kindly lent me his car to drive around to various dealerships) trying to find my way to unfamiliar places in the pouring rain, getting lost, having my phone battery die on me while I was trying to get directions, dealing with the tiresome antics of car salesmen, and the list goes on. I found myself thinking, "Really God! I have surrendered this to you! Why does it continue to be this hard?"

Then I realized that sometimes it's even harder to trudge through the grunt work after you have intentionally surrendered to God, because you expect Him to take all of the grunt work out of your way, pronto. But really, surrender is more of a disposition of the heart; an ability to climb the mountains in front of you with renewed faith. God might not move the mountain in front of you, but He will give you the extra grace to get over the mountain. Or maybe He'll give you a shortcut. But He won't necessarily bail you out in the way you imagine He should.

"Our peace...does not mean that we shall longer longer fight. Temptation will still be temptation, suffering will still be suffering, the world will still be the world...but the world will not destroy us.  The peace of Christ is Christ. There is no other. 'I have said this to you that in me you may find peace. In the world you will only find tribulation, but take courage. I have overcome the world.' How often in Christ we see peace and tribulation together...The risen Christ shows his wounds and bestows his peace in one gesture of love. " ~ Caryll Houselander

There is a saying, "Work as if 90 percent of what happens depends on you and 10 percent depends on God. Prays as if 90 percent depends on God and 10 percent depends on you."

Feet on the ground, eyes to heaven, Lord, give me your grace.

The end of an era

flickr/by Sapphireblue

The Willard Hotel, on Pennsylvania and 14th Street.

I often walk down this block on my commute to work, and this is one of my

favorite architectural structures in Washington, D.C.

 It was with a bittersweet heart yesterday that I marked the last day working in downtown Washington, D.C. For as many challenges I have had in my job, and I many things that frustrated me about working amidst the hustle and bustle of the city, it really was a special, grace-filled 13 months for me.

Plopping my contemplative heart in the middle of a loud, chaotic, secular work-a-day world was quite a stretch for me. Not to mention working in our Nation's capital with it's unique busyness and goings-on. But the ways in which God spoke to me, penetrating the concrete buildings, busy city sidewalks, roaring traffic and the seemingly endless hours of data-entry was such an experience of spiritual growth for me.

"Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon him while he is near." - Isaiah 55:6

Having spent the last six years in Catholic colleges I was used to being able to seek the Lord in distinctly sacred settings, namely Churches and chapels and religious talks. Yet this past year I discovered the unique and exciting challenge of seeking the Lord in the secular day-to-day sphere. And you know what I learned? The more secular the place, the more powerful the manifestation of His presence becomes. When you seek God inside a church, you have a greater expectation of His response. But when you seek Him in what seem like unlikely places, His presence is all the more amazing. You begin to not just experience God's presence simply confined to a church, or in your 10 minutes of prayer time, but walking with you step-by-step, each street you cross, each smile you encounter, each tender word you hear, enveloping you with His spirit.

What a gift it has been to seek a contemplative spirit in the city. I pray for others who continue to be His hands and feet in the most urban, unlikely places - that He would transform them and guide them. And I pray that as I segway into this next chapter of my life (I head to Nashville next Friday), God will reveal to me the new ways in which I shall seek His face.

Saints Hall of Fame

Happy All Saints Day!

What beautiful examples we have in the Saints to spur us onward in our earthly journey. The beautiful thing about the saints is that their struggles, joys, experiences, and teachings can touch our hearts in a very personal way. We can always find a saint to identify with during something in our life that we are going through; their holy wisdom, lived out in very concrete ways gives us such inspiration in this valley of tears. The Church triumphant prays for all of us pilgrims striving towards our heavenly goal.

Which saints make your hall of fame?

Some of my favorites are the following. Most of these saints I have developed a devotion to through their spiritual writings, which have really resonated with me.
 
St. Therese of Lisieux
St. Edith Stein
St. John of the Cross
St. Bernard of Clairvaux
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton
St. Alphonsis Ligouri
St. Elizabeth Lesuer
St. Gianna Molla
St. Joseph
St. Zita

All you holy men and women pray for us!

The call to spiritual motherhood

For all you single ladies out there, longing for a vocation to motherhood to begin, or all of you married women who are unable to conceive a child, take heart in this beautiful meditation from Caryll Houselander. Whether God has asked this special sacrifice of yours for a little while or has asked you to bear this lifelong cross of barrenness, may you find inspiration to the noble calling you have received ~

"For some, marriage is a vocation; it is a superb vocation, on it depends not merely our race going on, but the Christian life going on in the world. But there are others who have the vocation to be spiritual mothers. Sometimes they are married women too and learn this spiritual motherhood from their own children, but sometimes they are unmarried, either from choice or circumstance. I say 'circumstance' because it is a cruel mistake to suppose that if a woman would honestly like to marry but circumstances make it impossible, that she is merely frustrated and should devote her life to toy dogs, bazaars and acidity.

Circumstance is the one reliable test of God's will for us, and a clearer indication than any 'attraction' we might feel.

For the woman, then, who does not marry, is motherhood a vocation? It most certainly is, and God forbid that anyone should read into those words condoning of that fussy, grasping interfering attitude that passes so often for 'spiritual motherhood'. The essential thing is this, that the mother instinct, the capacity for love, be awake, alive.

This means suffering. It is easier in the long run to dry up the life in us than to develop and direct it. The woman who will be truly a spiritual mother will feel in herself, in her body and in her soul all the desire and necessity for a child of her own.

In this very passionate longing, in this aliveness of love her purity will consist. Indeed it is the essence of virginity, for we do not lay dead ash on the altar of sacrifice but burning fire. The same intense aliveness gives her a constant suffering. All maternity involves pain and sacrifice, spiritual motherhood as much as any other.

Then again she has to think this, that it is for the sake of the spiritually motherless children that God asks her to suffer this lifelong depth of feeling, which so far as her personal gratification is concerned will always be unsatisfied. He wants her to be hungry and thirsty all her life. This is achieved only by the development of her nature and complete abandonment to his will.

For whom is this hunger and thirst? For whom does God ask women to develop their human nature to its full warmth and tenderness and to sacrifice it? For the child Christ.

The child Christ lives in many souls, disregarded, unfostered, unhelped. It is not only in the sinner that he needs a mother, but in timid and ignorant sould, in while where innocent life is suffocated by worldliness, in souls surrounded by subtle temptations to so compromise with faith and holiness that were there no mother to help and counsel and make strong, his life could never be more than a sickly colourless flower growing in a dark cellar."

~ Caryll Houselander
in the essay "Mother of the Unseen Christ"
found in the book "Lift up your hearts".

The great car search

Well, for every bit easy as my job opportunity in Nashville came about, the preparations leading up to moving have been every bit as hard. I guess I naively expected that because everything flowed so easily with the job offer aspect, everything else should follow suite. Not so. Saying 'yes' to God's call is just the first step, it's just getting the ball rolling. Once the rubber hits the road it's a whole different story.

I've never owned a car, but I absolutely need to get one for Nashville, since I am pretty sure that public transportation is not as prevalent as in D.C. My brother and I have visited 7 car dealerships over the past few weeks, trying to find a reliable, quality car in my budget with no avail. Nothing in my price range seems to be satisfactory, and dealing with the smooth-talking, game-playing salesmen day after day has proven very trying. The other day I left the car dealership we went to nearly in tears, so frustrated that the car search that has dragged out for weeks (and months, really, because I started looking for a car before I even had Nashville on my radar) with no success.

The feeling seemed strangely familiar though. I felt dejected, discouraged, and weary. Then I remembered that this was the exact same feeling I had when I was in the midst of my job search a few weeks before I submitted my application to the Nashville position. And yet, within a short time after this deep discouragement set in, I quickly received a job offer for just the sort of job I'd been looking for.

It's that God's timing thing. He asks us to preserve so we might grow in faith and mature in trust. Just when we think we're smooth sailing, He asks for more surrender. So I am trying to remember that my heavenly Father knows all that I need. He knows how many hairs are on my head, and what car I need. I will try to "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 24:14) I will try to remember that everything will ultimately fall into place in His perfect time, even as I fight restless impatience as I wait.

In the meantime, no thank you, Mr. Car Salesman, I do not need a car with a blue tooth device, or fancy features.

And if you want any facts about the reliability of used compact cars, just let me know. I pretty much have the consumer reports memorized.

God's prism

Change certainly provides a unique opportunity to look at your life in a different light. It's a bittersweet thing, because in preparing to move on to the next step, you are able to to appreciate more deeply all of the blessings that you have been given in this time; yet it also means moving from your current blessings to new blessings, and saying farewell to dear friends and people who have made a beautiful impact in your life in a day-to-day basis.

In thinking about my three years in Washington, D.C. and the wonderful friends I have made, colorful acquaintances I have developed, and the sweet co-workers that I have learned so much from, it struck me how God has used so many people here to speak His love to me. And I see how in each of these people God has touched me in myriads of ways. No two people have manifested God to me in the same way. Rather, each with their own charism, they have shown me the face of Christ, whether implicit or explicit; whether they were Catholic, Protestant, or atheist.


I am awed by the way God speaks to us through one another, answering our prayers through the Body of Christ. I am so thankful for all of these people; the ones who encourage; the ones who challenge; the ones who entertain; the ones who console; the ones who serve; the ones who inspire; the ones who beckon; the ones who affirm; the ones who witness.

Hans Urs Von Balthasar talks about how "The Old Testament spoke in similar terms of God's wisdom permeating the whole of his creation; it was always the same, unique wisdom, belonging to God alone, which is multiplied, as it were, through the multiplicity of creatures, and - as Paul says - is split into many colors."

flickr/by *paylamaginaire*

It makes me think of how the Body of Christ, the Church, is like God's light shining through a prism, manifested to us in the thousands of colors of those around us. How beautiful and rich our lives are because of the way each individual person casts his or her unique hue. And even more beautiful still is the way that God orchestrates these rays in perfect time, that their we encounter the words or actions of specific people who speak to our hearts in times of difficulty, in response to a new calling, or in answer to a prayer.

Von Balthasar speaks to the unique way which God's people witness His love to one another:

"But each one, being absorbed by his task, which is one part, one charism,
within the Church's great mission in the world,
acquires his distinctive and personal face...
For God is always the Unique One, and all he gives his creature bear this stamp:
it manifests and embodies his uniqueness."

Let your light, your own light, shine bright. There is no telling how God will use it to create a dazzling display of light to others.

Solitude and loneliness

Over the past several months, I have been praying, reflecting, and reading a lot on the cross of loneliness and the fruit of solitude. I feel like it's been a very eye-opening journey, as I seek to see my own moments of loneliness as an opportunity to enter more deeply into communion with Christ, and to allow Christ to transform loneliness into holy, fruitful, creative solitude. Ever so slowly, I am beginning to better understand the concept of solitude; how through a spirit of solitude, the Lord creates a peace-filled space in our hearts where He can come and dwell. When we embrace a spirit of solitude we open ourselves up to the work of Christ, and become more free to give ourselves in service of others.

Today I read a beautiful reflection related to this in the Magnificat (although this reflection is from Tuesday, October 5th). I wanted to highlight some of this here.

"For it is, on the whole, just the saints who do desire solitude; the sinners are far too lonely to find a desert at all suitable or even tolerable. Notice who those are that spend most of their time rushing from one distraction to another; they are those who have felt the torment of loneliness so fiercely that they cannot endure to be by themselves. So lonely are they that they spend all their time feverishly pursuing one pleasure after another or one work after another...

Pleasure is heaped up in crowded hours to make them forget the aching void of their hearts. Indeed, it is their greatest punishment that they finally succeed, until they lose at last all perception of their pain, whereas the saints are so full in themselves of love that they must draw off alone to be away from all others; so accompanied are they by the dear presence of their Friend...Thus sat Mary at the feet of Jesus, while Martha, busied over many things that were unnecessary, hurried to and fro, sometimes in his presence and sometimes out of it. This does not mean that we can show our love only by retiring out of the world to the cloister; but it does imply that only those can stand the loneliness of life who have their hearts aflame with the love of another."

~ Father Bede Jarrett, O.P.

A Contemplative in the City...for 25 more days and counting

So, if I end up moving when I am planning to, I will be leaving Washington D.C. in just 25 days. Wow. Some friends and relatives who used to live in D.C. have told me that I need to make sure that I take advantage of all that the city offers...because when you live here often times you start to take for granted all of the cultural opportunities that surround you.

I think that I have at least tried to take advantage of many cultural activities here in our nation's capital, but as I realize how quickly I will be leaving town, I begin to think of the myriad of things that I have wanted to do while living here, but never have gotten around to doing. Funny how drastically your perspective changes when you are preparing to life a place or a certain stage in life. There are dozens of museums, restaurants, and parks that I still haven't made it to. While I would love to think that I could at least hit up a few of these attractions, the fact of the matter is that my time will be quite limited as I prepare to move. Perhaps though, I can fit in an excursion or two as I take a break from packing or planning.

In any case, I anticipate that my blog will take on both a nostalgic tone as I reflect even deeper on my experiences here in D.C., as well an eager anticipatory tone as I look toward my ensuing adventure.

And what will become of my blog after I move? Somehow, "Contemplative in the City" won't fit quite so well. "Contemplative in Music City"? maybe so...but perhaps it will take on a much different flair all together. Stay tuned.

Singleness and the present moment

Yesterday I went to an excellent conference for single women, called "The Art of Being a Woman." It was a beautiful day, and I feel like I took away a lot of inspiration and motivation from the talks, witnesses, and prayer time. I am sure in the next few weeks I will be unpacking some of the topics that were discussed.

While the talks were geared towards women whose ultimate 'goal' was marriage, I appreciated the fact that the speakers also spoke of the importance of the vocation of the present moment. This was very heartening as well as thought-provoking.

One of the primary struggles of the single life, I think, is feeling like you are in a state where you are waiting for your 'permanant vocation' to finally come along. While it is good to be thinking in terms of a long term vision for your future, I think that viewing singleness as simply a "waiting" period is not entirely helpful. Furthermore, singleness is also described as a time of preparation. In particular, it is often portrayed as a time when hopeful wives-to-be can brush up on their cooking skills, pay off their debt, or work on personal growth areas that will enrich their future marriage. Obviously this is a legitimate and worthwhile perspective, particularly for those that are pretty convinced that their vocation is marriage. And obviously, it is worthy and good to embark on these goals for their own sake as well.

However, I think that the restlessness and discontent that comes with being single can often be exacerbated when one's current state in life is only viewed as a period of waiting, or a only viewed period of preparation for some more grand purpose. It robs us of the dignity of what we are doing in this very moment. What needs to be recognized and affirmed for singles is the value of the present moment. Certainly for everyone, married, single, religious, our experiences throughout life serve to prepare us for forthcoming events in God's providential plan. It's really neat and beautiful the way that works, and in this way, no matter what we are doing we can see it as a preparation for the future, or as part of waiting for life to unfold before us. But I think that we also can't overlook the fact that each gift God gifts us, each challenge He calls us to, and each opportunity for service as singles that He gives us has an inherent goodness and purpose in and of itself.

I'm pretty sure that if we live our lives as singles solely storing up treasures for the future, delicately trying to measure out our activities to fit the mold of what we envision our future to be, we will be setting ourselves up for greater impatience, and a greater tendency to neglect the tasks at hand.

It's encouraging and inspiring to me to remember that God has called me to this current state of singleness right now for His greater purpose. Right now, in this moment, He is giving me opportunities to love and to be loved; to serve and be served. There is something about my singleness right now that He is using to for the glory of His kingdom right now.

A life surrendered to God in the little details, letting His Spirit penetrate your heart and move in mysterious ways is not a life in limbo; a life looking for ways to serve others and to love the souls in your midst is not simply a holding pattern; a life in which you pick up the heavy crosses along your paths with courage and strength is not merely a waiting game. This, my friends, is living life to the full, living the vocation of the moment. We should not be ashamed that this is "all" we are doing. This is all we have to do.

New directions

View from the Nashville Airport

Well, it's official. I have accepted the academic librarian position in Nashville! I am thrilled, excited, nervous and overwhelmed all at the same time.

It was crazy how quickly everything happened, and how quickly the opportunity was presented to me. In some respect, it was definitely a difficult decision, because it entails picking up and leaving the life I have become accustomed to, leaving family and friends here in D.C. that I hold dear, and moving further away from my immediate family in Pittsburgh. But after returning from the interview, the more I took the decision to prayer, the more I was convicted that this opportunity was a gift that the Lord was presenting me with; all I had to do was say, "Yes Lord."

In the days to leading up to my trip to Nashville, and in my time there, all of these thoughts of "How is this going to work out?" "What if this happens?" "What if that happens" or "What if there is not much of a Catholic community here?" "What if it means that I will have no chance of meeting a spouse here?...Maybe moving from D.C. is just my resignation of leaving the 'happening-scene' and being a spinster forever." "What if there is nothing fun to do?" "What if I am really lonely?"

In the midst of my "what-ifs" and "how is this going to work out?" I felt as if God was saying, "I am not asking you to say "Yes" to all of these "what-ifs", or even anything beyond this job -- anything beyond this step right in front of you. I am just asking you to say yes to this one thing. All else will fall into place. "

I was thinking a lot about Our Lady's Fiat; her utter uncertainty in that moment, and the way that she just had to say yes to that one thing that God was asking of her. She had to trust that God would take care of all else as His will unfolded.

It is terrifying and overwhelming to think about moving to a brand-new city where I barely know anyone. It's 9 hours from my home and family, and 11 hours from DC, where I have such dear friends and a wonderful Catholic community.

But in talking with good friends and family, it's been made clear to me that this is not only a job opportunity that God has blessed me with. It is a job opportunity that in so many ways is exactly the sort of job that I have been looking for. It includes working with a seemingly wonderful group of people, having exactly the professional responsibilities and daily tasks that I have aspired to have, and having a lot of room for professional growth. Furthermore, there has definitely been a growing desire over the past year for me to live in a place that is slower paced, and a place where people put down roots, rather than flit in and out as is customary in D.C. I want to live in a place where I can be a part of a strong local community, and find my place there, wherever that might be.

I feel that God is presenting me with a beautiful gift, and I am filled with awe and gratitude at His unexpected and captivating movement in my life.

I am certain that this job will be filled with it's own challenges, frustrations, and hardships; but I am also certain that this is what He has for me now. He is calling me onward to this next step, and I have to take a faith-filled leap into the unknown. As Brian Volck says on the Image blog, "Vocation, like community, challenges and holds one accountable even as it offers gifts and opens doors."

In the few weeks leading up to my interview, I had discovered a new favorite song, "I will follow You," by Chris Tomlin. Little did I know that the lyrics of this song would soon become the song of my heart, sung excitedly, anxiously, graciously, and determinedly.

I Will Follow
Chris Tomlin

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow.

Here's to a big step down a new road in my life. I will follow You.

Glory.

Autumn in Beaver, PA

Not alone

A friend of mine recently lent me the book "Interior Freedom", by Jacques Philippe. I have read another book by this author, and was really moved by his spiritual reflections which are at the same time simple and down-to-earth, yet very profound. During this time in my life when I am making big decisions, anticipating change and the unknown, I found the following passage, which is the closing reflection in the book, to be so inspirational. We are never alone - He always goes before us, leading us and guiding us.

"By way of conclusion, I offer for the reader's meditation a beautiful dialogue between Jesus and a contemporary Spanish spiritual writer, who has had a close relationship with Our Lady since childhood who has chosen to remain anonymous.


flickr/ by andycoan


'Have you never wondered which of all the things that you experience causes me the greatest joy?'

'No,' I said to Jesus.

He answered, 'When in lucid freedom, you say yes to God's calls.' And then He continued, 'remember what it says in the Gospel, "The truth will make you free." You can only respond freely to the calls of grace when your own truth becomes clear, when you accept it humbly, and when on that basis, you maintain a conversation with God, realizing that everything that has happened and has happened to you is part of a loving and providential project of your Father God.'

'Yes, many things will cause you perplexity, They will even plunge you into intense darkness, and, still more, into suffering that wounds and paralyzes you. But if you have recourse to your faith, it will be your shield. Doesn't God reveal himself as your Abba?  Have not I, the Son, taken on your condition at it's most wretched? Doesn't the Paraclete defend you? Believe all this will your heart and soul, and it will fill you with trust and confidence.'

'Don't be afraid of yourselves! Don't be afraid of all that you are in your human reality, where God pitches His tent to dwell with you. God is incarnation. God's new name is Emmanuel, God is with us: God with your reality. Open yourself to it without fear. Only in the measure you discover yourself will you will discover the depths of his love. In the depths of what you are, you will experience that you are not alone. Someone, lovingly and mercifully, not as spectator, not as judge, but as someone who loves you, who offers himself to you, who espouses you to free you, save you, and heal you...To stay with you forever, loving you, loving you!' "

Whirlwind of a week

Hello readers, my apologies for the lapse in posting over the past week. In an amazing sweep of events, God has brought a job opportunity into my life that was quite unexpected, and is quite exciting. In the span of just a little over one week, I applied for a job, had a phone interview, was provided with an all expense paid trip to Nashville to interview, and received a job offer. Pretty incredible.

There are many aspects of the job which I am so excited about. The work responsibilities are exactly the aspects of librarianship that I have been wanting to get involved with. The people are friendly, welcoming, and professional. The mission is something that I really feel I can put my heart into, and use my talents to serve the Lord and His Church. There is tremendous opportunity for growth and professional development within the position. It really is quite ideal.

Unfortunately, there are some aspects which make the decision a bit harder, such as whether it will be a financially feasible position for me to take. Also, there is the huge, daunting thought of moving to a brand new city where I know virtually no one. It's farther from my family, and would also mean leaving a wonderful community of Catholic friends here.

But I wonder if God is calling me to something entirely new, to a job and a city that hadn't even been on my radar before. His ways are certainly mysterious, and I want to be open to the ways that He wants to bless me and lead me.

If you think of it, please say a prayer for my discernment. This whole opportunity arose shortly after I finished my 30 day novena to St. Joseph. I am sure he will lead me through to the end of this decision that I might be enlightened to the will of the Father.

Warm Autumn breakfasts: Pear Cinnamon Quinoa

I tried this recipe for breakfast this morning, and it was so delicious! A perfect spicy warm dish for a chilly rainy autumn day like today. It's very healthy too - quinoa is high in protein and gluten-free. I substituted a packet of stevia instead of agave to create a sugar-free version.

Pear and Cinnamon Quinoa
Adapted from Pikelet and Pie. (Check out the link for beautiful pics of this recipe!)

serves 2 or 3.
1/2 cup quinoa
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup milk
1 pear, cut into small cubes.
1/2t ground cinnamon
1 packet of Stevia
handful of toasted almonds.

Rinse quinoa well. Carefully shake as much water as you can off and place in a pan with the water and milk. Cook covered over medium heat, stirring frequently until quinoa is cooked, about 15 mins. When the quinoa is ready, stir in the pear, cinnamon and sugar and heat through. Serve sprinkled with almonds.

Resumes and Samaritan opportunities

flickr/by Caitlinator

Between finishing up graduate school and looking for my first professional position and my current situation of looking for a more interesting, better paying job, I feel like I have been writing resumes and cover letters for the past two years straight. And actually, that's pretty accurate. In the midst of the great job search, I often get discouraged and frustrated, thinking that much of my effort is just wasted time. Lately, I have had to consciously convince myself that I must use cover letter writing and my job application efforts as an offering to God, as an opportunity to grow in holiness. Because if I don't put this spin on it, it does look pretty discouraging to me.

I have a very sweet story relating to resume writing from the other day though. A lesson in the fact that you just never know how God is going to use your efforts.

On Monday, I decided to check out a coffee house in my area that I had never been to before. I pass it frequently, and have been curious what it's like, so I thought that if I was going to work on a job application, I might as well go somewhere interesting.

I did enjoy it - the place had a nice, homemade ambiance, with eclectic furniture, made-to-order sandwiches and wraps, and work-conducive mellow music. I was there for about an hour working on a particular application, and was glad to be able to finish the application and send it in on the spot. Because it was a weekday (Sundays and Mondays are my days off), there weren't many other folks there in the middle of the day, besides a young couple, and a thirty-something African American woman sitting on the couch a little ways behind me.

As I stood up to start packing up my computer, the woman behind me said, "Excuse me, Miss? Do you know much about computers? I am having trouble with this program." I answered that I did know a little about computers and I walked over so I could see what her question was.

As I began to try and adjust the settings for her in Microsoft Vista (which is so frustrating and confusing), she asked me, "Are you an artist?" I smiled and shook my head. "No, I'm not an artist." "Oh," she said. I could tell she was a little disappointed. "I am looking for a writer." I perked up a bit. "Oh," I said. "Well I do write." The smile came back to her face. "You do? I've been looking for a writer who could help me with this resume!" I told her I would be happy to look over her resume for her, and she was thrilled.

She proceeded to tell me her story. She and her husband were artists, and made African textile art for a living. Her husband was originally from Mexico, and she was from Mali, Africa. When the two of them fell in love, she taught him about Bogolan, a beautiful patterned textile art that originated in Mali. She has lived in the United States for 7 years. They want to begin renting a studio in the area to teach classes about this art, but they were required to submit a resume for review before they were accepted for the studio.

The woman was a native French speaker, and although she spoke very good English, the information on the resume was written in very broken English. She explained that she really wants to go to college so she can learn how to write in English better, and use the computer better.

As I went through and proofread the resume and suggested changes, the she told me, "I have never done a resume in English before. Someone told me that I should come to this cafe and maybe I would meet a writer who could help me. I am so glad I found you! I have been coming here for a week waiting to meet a writer. I was shy to ask you, but thank you, thank you!"

I was so touched in the moment but God's Providence and the way He brings people together. I was just thrilled to be able to help this woman, and use my two years of resume writing experience to help her. It made all my efforts seem so much more worth it, that I could bring so much joy to her.

When I was leaving she thanked me many times. I gave her my e-mail address and told her to keep me posted and let me know how it all turned out. "Oh, God will bless you!" she said, "God will save you!" "Do you see the smile you brought to my face?" She said.

I has made a new friend. God is good. And my heart was full.

Thoughts on the movie "Last Train Home"

I knew today was going to be a rainy, chilly day in Washington D.C., and I thought it would be the perfect day to see a movie in the theaters.

I have been wanting to check out the E Street Cinema, a Landmark Theater in downtown Washington D.C. that shows independent films, documentaries and classic films. I enjoyed my first trip there today, and thought it was a very nice, pleasant theater...much more sophisticated and less rowdy than your typical "pop" theater. (Their snack bar includes an espresso bar...very cool).

I looked up what was showing and decided to see the film "Last Train Home" with my brother and a friend. This is a documentary film about a Chinese migrant family and the sacrifices, struggles, and hardships that they endure in order to support their children as factory workers. While the parents work thousands of miles away in the city at a grueling, crowded clothing factory, their son and daughter live in the farm with their grandmother who raises them and sees that they are diligent with their studies.

The story particularly focuses on the coming of age of the rebellious teenager daughter whose bitterness towards her absent parents drives her to runaway from her studies in the country and seek her independence as a factory worker herself. Meanwhile, the parents struggle with their guilt and sorrow at the sacrifices they have had to make in order to provide for their children: they have to slave away in the city and only can see their children once a year during the New Years Holiday. The utter chaos and desperation that these migrant workers experience is exemplified most starkly during their journey back to their families. The movie is titled "Last Train Home", because every year during the holiday 130 million migrant workers desperately wait and struggle to get train tickets back to see their loved ones in the countryside.

This movie is poignant and painful to watch as it depicts the deplorable conditions in which these migrant workers must live, and the sacrifices they have to make in order for their families to survive. It also depicts the tension between generations, each with their own ideas of success and independence. The parents in this family are focused singularly on how well their children do in school; for them they see education as the only way for their children to live a better life. But their harsh expectations for their children undercut their ability to communicate love and affirmation that their children desperately need.

A very chilling, but eye-opening documentary, this film is definitely incredibly thought provoking. It begs the question, at what cost does the Western world obtain so many of it's commodities? What can we do in the midst of such realities and such injustice?

The cinematography of this film is stunning. The panoramas of China's rural countryside are just breathtaking. The shots that emphasize the color and tranquility of the country are expertly juxtaposed with the dark, dank shots of the cities to exemplify the contrast and interdependence of the two worlds.

More than anything, this film portrays the way that this economic and social system in a communist China tears them apart, and the struggles that they face when piece their families back together during the one time each year when they are reunited. As one of the migrant workers on the train says, "We are away from our family all year long. If we cannot spend the holiday together, it would be pointless." So we are shown the sacrifice it takes for these migrant workers to make money for their families, while at the same time seeing the heart wrenching cost that this separation itself requires.

Sunday Snippets: A Catholic Blog Carnival, September 26th

I'm new to the "Sunday Snippets" group, a Catholic blog carnival where Catholic bloggers share their favorite posts from the week. I'm excited to be a part of this virtual Catholic writers community!

My submissions are:

Living room concert with Rosie Thomas (a fantastic musician whose music you should hear if you haven't yet)
From Drudgery to Prayer (reflections on sanctifying daily work)
You Know You are a Frequent Bus Rider When... (thoughts from my commuting life)

What did you post about this week? Stop by the weekly Catholic Carnival and share what you've been blogging. Be sure to visit RAnn at This, That and the Other Thing and check out some posts from other bloggers participating in Sunday Snippets this week. You're invited to share a blog post or two from last week. Here are my contributions for this week:

You know you are a frequent bus rider (and probably don't own a car) when...

 flickr/by LancerE

 1. You know the layout of the city according to what but route travels that street.

2. You get confused when you are riding in a car and don't have to pull a string to make the vehicle stop.

3. You are excited when you get on the bus at the beginning of the route -- more likely to get a seat!

4. You have a favorite row and a favorite side of the bus.

5. You know whether you are early, late or on time according to the familiar or unfamiliar faces that you see on the bus.

6. You know that when a bus approaches your stop and it's not the one you want to catch, you shake your head and the bus knows to continue on.

7. You know that it's not cool to sit on the end seat with an empty window seat beside you when the bus is getting full.

8. You can stand in the aisle of the bus and "surf" without holding onto the posts...until the bus comes to a lurching stop.

9. You know exactly how to layer 3-4 bags under the seat or on your lap when coming home from the grocery store.

10. You are are not afraid to run full speed in a skirt and heels when you see your bus approaching and you need to beat it to the stop.

11. You have some of the inside ads memorized. Even the ones in Spanish.

12. You know that if the electronic number on the front of the bus isn't working there is a taped sheet of paper with the number on the windshield.

13. You know that you will meet some of the most colorful characters on the bus that you will ever meet in your life.

14. You notice little things about your fellow riders, from the book they are reading to the way they smile...and that their simple kindness can really touch you, even briefly.

15. You know that bus "schedules" are merely a suggestion.

City spots: M.E. Swings Co. Coffee Roasters

Since I have lived in D.C. for three years now, I have definitely found many restaurants, cafes, parks, nooks, and crannies that have come to be my "favorites" for one reason or another. Perhaps every once in awhile I will feature one of these "City Spots" on my blog.

M.E. Swing Co.

flickr/ by tvol

Today's feature? M.E. Swing Co., Coffee Roasters on G Street, not too far from my work or the White House and Eisenhower Executive Office Building. I have always been a fan of discovering local coffee shops, for both their charm and their home-brewed coffee taste. Although I can enjoy coffee from Starbucks, Caribou, Panera, etc., I much prefer supporting a local establishment and find their coffee is often more flavorful.

M.E. Swing Co. has both the quaint historic ambiance, as well as truly amazing coffee. The coffee shop began in 1920, in it's original building on E Street, which at that time, also housed a large German roaster that was used to roast hundreds of pounds of coffee every day.

As M.E. Swing Co.'s website describes their rich history:

"The coffee business boomed in the Roaring 20’s, which saw D.C.’s E Street corridor filled with fashionable stores, soda fountains, restaurants, and clanging streetcars. Throughout the Depression of the 30's, and then the difficult war years, M.E. Swing continued to roast delicious coffee. By the 50's, Swing's Coffee was practically a D.C. institution. Congressman, ambassadors, senators, and the professional and working people of Washington came regularly to buy Swing's fresh-roasted coffee beans. As the decades passed, Swing’s has become a D.C. tradition, passed down from parents to children.

The now legendary Swing’s Coffeehouse was opened in 1994 at 1702 G Street, across from the historic Old Executive Office Building. Swing’s at G Street is filled with the original mahogany and mirrored fixtures, vintage burr grinders, wooden coffee bins, and counter-weight scales that graced the Mesco Building on E Street. Today’s M.E. Swing Coffee Roastery, located in Alexandria, VA, still operates classic German roasters, with the same craft and artistry as before, continuing the Swing’s tradition to this day. "

This coffee shop continues to be a "DC establishment" to this day. When I head there for an afternoon cup of Joe during my lunch hour, the line is often out the door, 25 people long. Lots of white-collared young professionals, government employees, and even White House special police officers frequent the joint. It really is the place to be.

My favorite coffee? If I'm ordering out, a soy latte is my beverage of choice. They also sell coffee beans by the pound, and yesterday I bought a pound of their chocolate raspberry blend. Mmm, it's just scrumptious. Almost good even to make me excited to get out of bed in the wee hours of the morning.

Definitely the next time you head down to the Capital area on a weekday (their shop is only open business hours), you must stop in and have the M.E. Swing experience!

From drudgery to prayer

A common theme of this blog, (and my life) particularly over the past year is meditating on how monotonous, rote-filled work days can reveal to me God's presence and His purpose for me. Perhaps others who have more exciting, challenging, and "rewarding" jobs have other themes that God is using to work in their lives. Maybe for you folks it's teaching you how to trust, giving you energy, giving you courage to carry out new initiatives, etc.

flickr/by mcclave

But the rest of us on the other end of the spectrum (and I suspect that there are many of you in a similar boat as myself), are continually trying to find meaning and purpose within our monotony. I often get very caught up in the "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome, and find myself frequently thinking that if I was "in my vocation", be it as a wife and mother, a religious sister, or a consecrated Catholic single, I would be much more content, and life would be much more interesting. Yet as I was walking down the sidewalk during my lunch break today I was reminded that no matter what vocation you are in, many moments of your life are made up of this "drudgery". As a mother you will be doing laundry, grocery shopping and doing dishes, day in, and day out. As a religious, you are far from exempt from such daily duties as well - instead, they make up a major part of your life in between structured prayer times.

"Hmm," I thought to myself earlier today. "I guess I might as well get used to drudgery!"

It's one thing to hear the words of saints like St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Joseph Maria Escriva and their teachings on sanctifying one's daily work. It's another thing entirely to die to yourself and your desire for more naturally fulfilling, interesting work. It takes a deliberate act of the will to let this awareness of sanctifying grace seep into you and permeate your day. I would rather grumble through the day, frustrated to be so bored.

I am coming to a deeper awareness more and more that the key to transforming work from sheer drudgery to the opportunity to see the Lord reveal Himself in and through your work is daily prayer. When you start your day out with prayer (and better yet when you end it with prayer too), you can see all these little things in His light, and gain a glimpse of that Meaning behind it all. Without setting your work and your day before Him, it's easy for work to simply be laborious and nothing more. Yet I wonder, for those of us who are plagued with drudgery, if we do not experience a unique magnificence of His glory. For we have an opportunity to see His face in the least expected places, and He penetrates the ordinary corners of our little lives. We can't rely on the high of living a glamorous, entertaining job or adventure -- we are called take deep, deliberate looks throughout our day in order to uncover the pearl of great price.

In closing, I want to share a quote from Oswald Chambers from his book, "My Utmost for His Highest", in an essay on "Taking the Initiate Against Drudgery" :

"...if we will arise and shine, drudgery will be divinely transformed. Drudgery is one of the finest test to determine the genuineness of our character. Drudgery is work that is far removed from anything we think of as ideal work. It is utterly hard, menial, and dirty work. And when we experience it, our spirituality is genuinely tested and we will know or not whether we are spiritually genuine...

The inspiration of God is required if drudgery is to shine with the light of God upon it. In some cases the way a person does a task that makes work sanctified and holy forever. It may be a very common everyday task, but after we have seen it done, it becomes different. When the Lord does something through us, He always transforms it."

Living Room concert with Rosie Thomas

Rosie Thomas at Quincy House

Last night I went to a concert that probably goes down as one of my favorites. Rosie Thomas, an indie singer/songwriter gave a concert at the Quincy House - a house of Catholic guys not too far from where I live. It was really neat to attend a concert in such a small intimate setting. There were probably just over 30 people or so there.

I was introduced to Rosie Thomas through Pandora, and loved her simple, whimiscal songs and how she gets to the core of life, love, and loss in her pieces in a very relateable way. Many of her songs have a definite underlying tone of melancholy and saddness, but as she said at her concert, they also carry with them threads of hope. I think some of her songs about searching for love and searching for her place in the world really have resonated with me and my current state in life.

Although I went to the concert expecting to hear good music, I left the concert with so much more - I left feeling very inspired and encouraged, both as a young woman and an artist.

Rosie is a delightfully down-to-earth musician, eager to share her story with her audience, and to talk to them as long lost friends, rather than distant fans. From the minute she introduced her show, I was impressed at how real she was, and how much simple wisdom she sought to share with us.

It was very sweet, because her guitarist is now her husband; I believe they got married about two years ago. It was neat to watch them playing together, and to hear her talk about the ways that they complement and complete one another. What a beautiful witness to marriage. But she was talking about how when she got married, one of her fans came up to her and asked, "Aw, Rosie, are you still going to write sad songs?" She thought about it for a minute and then explained that, yes she would. She went on to say that even though marriage is a beautiful thing and she is so blessed to have found her soul mate, there are still going to be times of hardship. That's just life. You are always going to have struggles, and challenges, and loneliness. There is always going to be difficulties, and so yes, she was still going to be writing some sad songs. Her fan was grateful. She said, though, that despite the sad tones of many of her songs, she also sought to impart a deeper message of hope. Hope despite the sadness in life. I think this is why her music is so brilliant. We can all relate so well to the cries and wonderings within her songs, but there is still an underlying redemptive seed within them. And this, essentially, is what the Christian journey is all about.

Guitarist, Jeff Shoup and Rosie Thomas

Another thing that really inspired me about her performance was the way that she imparted her love for her art, and her love for using her art to touch people. She talked about the things that bring her joy, and she said "being vulnerable and transparent in my music" in order to touch people brings her a great joy. It made me think about how vulnerability and transparency is often an essential part of creating art; it's about revealing deep parts of yourself, your insecurities, your hopes, your fears, and your dreams to the world through a particular medium. It can be a little scary at times to be so open and honest. But in the end, it is that vulnerability that creates a bridge to other seeking souls and strikes a chord within their own personal experience. And in the end, this is incredibly fulfilling to use your art to speak truth.

I could go on and talk about many of the other things she shared between her songs, but I think I will leave it at this, with the lyrics of one of my favorites of her songs. She reassured us that this song was a testament to the fact that even when you think you will never find true love, it can happen after even after a long time of waiting, doubting, wishing. A lovely witness to hope.

All My Life

I've been waiting all my life
I've been waiting for you to come
I've been traveling and wandering
Alone on my own for too long
I swear I tried to convince myself
It would be much easier being alone
But after running circle after circle
I'm tired of being on my own
I've been waiting all my life
I've been waiting for you to come
I've been traveling and wandering
Alone on my own for too long
I wish I could have met your brother
I would tell him how much I am in love
I swear I'll ask him question after question
Confessions about you growing up
I thank God for blessing me
Well beyond I could have thought
And reminding me of how good life can be
When you let yourself fall into his love
Cuz I've been waiting all my life
I've been waiting for you to come

The best company

“My idea of good company, Mr. Elliot, is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.”

“You are mistaken,” said he gently, “that is not good company, that is the best.”

—Jane Austen, Persuasion

 
I recently read this quote on a blog post from the IMAGE blog and it instantly resonated with me. I thought..."a-ha! Yes, that is what I call good company too." Then I began thinking, appreciating, how so many of my friends and acquaintances fit this description; how I enjoy their cleverness, their intellect, and their conversation.

This weekend I feel like I was particularly blessed with a plethora of amazing, thought-provoking conversations with friends, old and new. We talked about vocation, femininity, music, relationships, politics, food, nutrition, expectations, hopes, and dreams.

I am so grateful for this good company. You dear friends inspire me, challenge me, encourage me, entertain me, and enlighten me. What a gift this is, to walk through the valley of life, trudging up and down the paths together, with such true and heartfelt companions.

Our Lady of Sorrows, Pray for us

 

 ~

"  Consider how love draws all the pains, 

all the torments, all the sufferings, all the sorrows,

the wounds, the passion, the cross, 

and even the death of our Redeemer

into the heart of his most holy Mother."

- St. Francis DeSales

~

Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. I have developed a deeper devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows over the past several years, and this is probably my favorite Marian feast day. When I am suffering and consumed with great sorrow, I find such consolation in turning to Our Lady of Sorrows. After all, she bore the greatest sorrows in her heart; to stand by the side of the Cross and watch her Son and Savior be crucified. No one can even begin to fathom the depths of sorrow, sadness, and pain that she experienced. What human being could better understand the depths of our own unique suffering, then? Who could better know the special pain of our crosses, the ones that we pick up day in, and day out?

When I am going through a difficult time in my life, and experiencing a particular sorrow, I find a great comfort and strength in talking with others who are also enduring great suffering.  There is such solace found in uniting ourselves with others who are in the midst of pain, for they know in a deep, profound way that pain plagues our hearts. It is like this with Our Lady of Sorrows, too, except she understands our suffering much deeper than any other human being could. And her heart is more closely united with the Savior's heart than any other human heart. If we join our sorrow to her sorrows then, we join them together in the Savior's Sacred Heart to become purified, healed, and made new.

This weekend's cultural city excursions...Normal Rockwell exhibit

This weekend I was able to take advantage of some of the city's cultural opportunities, including going to a Norman Rockwell exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of American Art, entitled "Telling stories: Norman Rockwell from the Collections of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg ."

I thoroughly enjoyed seeing some of Norman Rockwell's sketches and paintings up close. My family owns at least one Norman Rockwell print which used to hang in our kitchen, and I remember seeing various other Norman Rockwell artwork on plates, mugs, and prints in the houses of my relatives when I was growing up. His style and depiction of American life is just so distinct, quaint, and iconic. Rockwell really did have a great gift for capturing the emotion, meaning, and values in scenes from normal, everyday American life. His ability to depict facial expressions was one of the things that I found most impressive. Some of the expressions on his subjects literally made me laugh out loud; the viewer truly enters into the emotion that each painting conveys.

My favorite work in the exhibit was actually a sketch entitled "Charwomen in Theater" The following image is a painting of the same composition.

Norman Rockwell, 1946.

The sentiments in the sketch were very sweet to me -- the sketch depicts two cleaning ladies that work within a theater who have stopped for a moment and look curiously at the theater bill, anxious to read about the latest performance. To me, it's a testament to the ability that art has to touch all people, rich or poor, manual laborer or aristocrat. All men and women have a thirst to experience art which adds beauty to their world and depth to their day to day work.

A few of the other works that I especially enjoyed were "Coming and Going" (depicts the scene of a family coming and going in the car from a family vacation), "Boy Reading Adventure Story (the librarian in me loves the way that this depicts the ability of books to widen one's imagination), "Couple in the Rumble Seat" (shows the excited woman and terrified man's reactions as they ride in the new fangled automobile), and "Happy Birthday Miss Jones" (depicts a teacher's reaction to her students' birthday surprises for her). All in all, it was certainly a delightful exhibit and made me want to learn more about Norman Rockwell's paintings and the stories behind them. Check out the online exhibit if you get the chance, here!

Mid-day reprieve

I had a very lovely lunch break today. Yes, my lunch (an antipasto salad from Potbellys) was delicious, but more importantly, the weather and my picnic spot was just glorious. It was a cool 70-something degree day, with an intermittent breeze. When the weather is nice I like to venture across the street from my work to this specific garden/park, which has a large rippling pond, lots of entertaining ducks, and a plethora of shady spots. I particularly love the weeping willow trees along the pond. They are so wispy and graceful, I love watching the long branches sway in the wind.

When I initially found a bench and sat down, I thought to myself, "I'll eat my lunch and then read some of my Magnificat." That would be very contemplative-in-the-city-esque of me, I thought. But alas, I realized that I had it left it on the desk in my office. Instead, after I finished my meal, I just spent a few minutes drinking in the beauty in front of me, enjoying the feeling of the crisp breeze that signals the coming of fall. I remembered how blessed I am to have this lovely spot where I can spend 20 minutes of my day and get refreshed and rejuvenated. I think it's really important for professionals to have their own oasis where they can get refreshed amidst their day. Although not everyone has the luxury of being able to walk to a green, picturesque park for their lunch break, something as simple as taking a walk outside the office can give one the opportunity to gather up our thoughts reflect on the day so far, and renew our purpose. That's what contemplation is really all about. Taking the time to step outside of the routine, in order to more clearly see the meaning, purpose and beauty in all that we do and are given.

Where do you find your reprieve in the midst of your day? Have you found a favorite spot that inspires and rejuvenates you?

City gardens in Pittsburgh

I went to visit my sister who is living in downtown Pittsburgh (just about a half an hour from the town I grew up in) yesterday. My sister is serving as a FOCUS missionary for University of Pittsburgh, and living on the bustling city campus in Oakland. She just moved there a few weeks ago from a small rural Michigan College, so I get the sense that she will be learning what it means to be a contemplative in the city very much over the next few months. The area of the city that she lives in, however, is swarming with college students, rather than professionals, politicians, diplomats, and tourists, so ministry has a much different vibe than it would in D.C. All the same, I am excited to hear about her city adventures.

I enjoyed touring the area where she lives, and especially enjoyed stopping by the eclectic coffee shop and used bookstore in the university district. I am looking forward to exploring more of my native city with her. It was a particularly beautiful day, and the landscaping looked very lovely. I love finding greenery and flowers within the city, and especially liked this garden in front of the Carnegie Free Library of Pittsburgh. If you look hard enough you can see some folks reading on benches in the background. Looks like a perfect late summer afternoon activity to me!

Changing the pace

flickr/ by laffy4k

I'm home for a few days for the long Labor Day weekend with my family in our small Western Pennsylvania town. I always notice the distinct change of pace when I go from the big metropolitan city back to my small town, but today this particularly struck me when I was out shopping for a few hours this morning. I went to an outlet mall about an hour north of my house and it was quite crowded because of the holiday sales. As I wove through the crowds on the sidewalk, I found myself thinking over and over again, "Why are these people walking so slow?" or "I wish they would pick up the pace!"

The DC girl in me was the driven girl on a mission, trying to get where I needed to go. It's funny though, because I have been in DC for so long now that the pace doesn't consiously strike me as "fast", anymore. At least, not until I leave the metropolitan and venture into the suburbs, or a small town, or the countryside. You get so used to the fast pace that you think it's normal. But yet, whenever I step away from it I am almost in awe of the fact that other people in other places are completely content to kick it down a few notches. And to be honest, I that once the residal fast paced perspective in me stops spinning, I am content to go slower too. Away from the hustle and bustle, crowds and traffic, I realize that my heart really is more at home in a less hectic place. Perhaps my gradual recognition of this is the stirring in my heart that a new adventure for me might be on the horizon. Who knows. But for the next day or two before I have to head back to the city I will enjoy the intimacy and slower pace of the place I call home.

Little dreamers

It's so easy as we seek to discern our vocations to get bogged with intellectual analysis of pros and cons. To get overwhelmed by "what ifs" "why nots" or "when then?" Even when making little life decisions, we often over analyze and over think. Not only that. We simply rely on being realistic and rational. We become skeptical and fearful that things will ever turn out the way we desire them to. We have lost our childhood dreams, our fresh optimism that used to warm our hearts and quicken our pace.

The other day I was listening to this delightful song by Priscilla Ahn, which always strikes a chord in me because of its sentimentality and honesty. It's best understood when you hear it with the music, but it goes like this...

I was a little girl
Alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest swing
I had a dream

flickr/ by Big C Harvey

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down at me
God answered in silent reverie
I said a prayer and fell asleep

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest tree
I had a dream

oooo....

Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say
About this life I'm willing to leave
I lived it full, I lived it well
As many tales I live to tell
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
To fly from the highest wing
I had a dream

Anyways, as I listening to this song the other day, it brought back memories of my own childhood memories and dreams. Of playing house with my little sister, pretending we were all grown up with husbands and families. Of the optimism and faith that I envisioned my own journey would follow, in perfect timing and gracefulness, the succession from elementary school, to high school, to college, to marriage, to family, to grandmother and beyond. You have these naive little expectations in life when you are young, and you dream in grandiose visions. Of course you have all this opportunity ahead of you. Of course you have a beautiful world to explore.

It occurred to me when listening to this song, that amidst the chaos and complexities of life, I have lost touch with the true desires of my heart. I have lost much of the innocent, exuberant, audacious dreaming that is the hallmark of childhood. Imagination has been replaced with practicality and dealing with life's hard knocks. Perhaps, I thought to myself, discerning one's path in life is not simply achieved by lurching forward, trying to calculate every possible bend and bump in the road, but in reaching backward. In reclaiming the dreams your heart held in childhood, and rooting for those dreams anew. Perhaps those dreams will be more nuanced, more complex as they are woven into the inevitable path of our adult lives. But by their very nature they will give us that spark of joy and expectation to propel our resignation into hope.