Little dreamers

It's so easy as we seek to discern our vocations to get bogged with intellectual analysis of pros and cons. To get overwhelmed by "what ifs" "why nots" or "when then?" Even when making little life decisions, we often over analyze and over think. Not only that. We simply rely on being realistic and rational. We become skeptical and fearful that things will ever turn out the way we desire them to. We have lost our childhood dreams, our fresh optimism that used to warm our hearts and quicken our pace.

The other day I was listening to this delightful song by Priscilla Ahn, which always strikes a chord in me because of its sentimentality and honesty. It's best understood when you hear it with the music, but it goes like this...

I was a little girl
Alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest swing
I had a dream

flickr/ by Big C Harvey

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down at me
God answered in silent reverie
I said a prayer and fell asleep

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest tree
I had a dream

oooo....

Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say
About this life I'm willing to leave
I lived it full, I lived it well
As many tales I live to tell
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
To fly from the highest wing
I had a dream

Anyways, as I listening to this song the other day, it brought back memories of my own childhood memories and dreams. Of playing house with my little sister, pretending we were all grown up with husbands and families. Of the optimism and faith that I envisioned my own journey would follow, in perfect timing and gracefulness, the succession from elementary school, to high school, to college, to marriage, to family, to grandmother and beyond. You have these naive little expectations in life when you are young, and you dream in grandiose visions. Of course you have all this opportunity ahead of you. Of course you have a beautiful world to explore.

It occurred to me when listening to this song, that amidst the chaos and complexities of life, I have lost touch with the true desires of my heart. I have lost much of the innocent, exuberant, audacious dreaming that is the hallmark of childhood. Imagination has been replaced with practicality and dealing with life's hard knocks. Perhaps, I thought to myself, discerning one's path in life is not simply achieved by lurching forward, trying to calculate every possible bend and bump in the road, but in reaching backward. In reclaiming the dreams your heart held in childhood, and rooting for those dreams anew. Perhaps those dreams will be more nuanced, more complex as they are woven into the inevitable path of our adult lives. But by their very nature they will give us that spark of joy and expectation to propel our resignation into hope.