Little dreamers

It's so easy as we seek to discern our vocations to get bogged with intellectual analysis of pros and cons. To get overwhelmed by "what ifs" "why nots" or "when then?" Even when making little life decisions, we often over analyze and over think. Not only that. We simply rely on being realistic and rational. We become skeptical and fearful that things will ever turn out the way we desire them to. We have lost our childhood dreams, our fresh optimism that used to warm our hearts and quicken our pace.

The other day I was listening to this delightful song by Priscilla Ahn, which always strikes a chord in me because of its sentimentality and honesty. It's best understood when you hear it with the music, but it goes like this...

I was a little girl
Alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest swing
I had a dream

flickr/ by Big C Harvey

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down at me
God answered in silent reverie
I said a prayer and fell asleep

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest tree
I had a dream

oooo....

Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say
About this life I'm willing to leave
I lived it full, I lived it well
As many tales I live to tell
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
To fly from the highest wing
I had a dream

Anyways, as I listening to this song the other day, it brought back memories of my own childhood memories and dreams. Of playing house with my little sister, pretending we were all grown up with husbands and families. Of the optimism and faith that I envisioned my own journey would follow, in perfect timing and gracefulness, the succession from elementary school, to high school, to college, to marriage, to family, to grandmother and beyond. You have these naive little expectations in life when you are young, and you dream in grandiose visions. Of course you have all this opportunity ahead of you. Of course you have a beautiful world to explore.

It occurred to me when listening to this song, that amidst the chaos and complexities of life, I have lost touch with the true desires of my heart. I have lost much of the innocent, exuberant, audacious dreaming that is the hallmark of childhood. Imagination has been replaced with practicality and dealing with life's hard knocks. Perhaps, I thought to myself, discerning one's path in life is not simply achieved by lurching forward, trying to calculate every possible bend and bump in the road, but in reaching backward. In reclaiming the dreams your heart held in childhood, and rooting for those dreams anew. Perhaps those dreams will be more nuanced, more complex as they are woven into the inevitable path of our adult lives. But by their very nature they will give us that spark of joy and expectation to propel our resignation into hope.

The way He loves us

I think that every once in awhile we all have powerful epiphanies of gratitude, realizing that what we have been given in this particular moment is not only good, but uniquely meant for us by the Heavenly Father. I had one of these moments the other day, when I was walking into an art museum cafe where I sometimes have lunch. It's a beautiful little cafe in the front of the museum, and it's just a fun, peaceful place to eat my lunch. I thought to myself, "Hey, this is pretty cool that I can come to an art museum cafe whenever I want!" I can also walk around the lovely grounds of Constitution Gardens or the Elipse on my lunch hour, taking in the lovely sights for a midday reprieve.

When I learned that I had gotten the job at my current organization, I was quite excited about the opportunity to work in such a beautiful, magnificent building. Though like any job where you get caught up in the routine and just get used to your surroundings, I too can just take for granted my working environment. But when it come down to it, I work in a lovely space; at least several times each day, I take the white rod iron spiral staircase in the library (for staff use only) just because it makes me feel like I am a character in a novel or some romantic scene. (Remember Marianne the Librarian? ) Or I like to watch the sunlight stream in the large windows of our office, with the regal marble columns framing the scene of the Washington monument and the bustling landscape. I love passing by the little museum rooms decorated according to different time 18th and 19th century furnishing styles, and hearing the classical folk music emanating from the museum gift shop. Working in a beautiful and pleasant environment has always been important to me – I am not the kind of girl that would take easily to working in a grey, monotone cubicle without windows.

Being in a place which is welcoming and inviting really affects the way that I am inspired and work. And so, when I found out that I got a job at this organization, I remember thinking, “How good God is. He knows how much I loves pretty things, old fashioned loveliness, and a welcoming space that inspires and soothes the soul. What a good Father, who gives me a job that corresponds with these little things that He knows will bring me simple delight and joy each day.” There was something so special about that realization: that God is an indulgent Father who surprises us beyond our expectations in the little ways He uniquely blesses each one of us with joy. So when I get frustrated with my job, or bored, or start questioning what I am doing at the moment, I like to think of this little reminder of His sweet faithfulness. I would encourage you to reflect on this as well. How has God given you blessings that correspond to you and the things you most treasure?

It’s kind of like when a family member or friend gives you a gift that you just love; that person knows you so well, is able to find something to give you that they know will bring you great joy. And so it is with Our Heavenly Father, who knows us better than we know our own selves; every once in awhile, we realize just how perfectly His little gifts “fit” us, and that indeed, His love is extravagant.

To make Him known

This quote by Caryll Houselander really inspired me, and reminded me of how the heart of evangelization is simple. Often times we make it more complicated than it needs to be. But in the end, it comes down to one thing: love. The love of God, is best manifested by us simply being in love with God.

"Those who have him [Christ], those in whom he is born again day after day, have just this one work to do: to show the others what they want, what they long for, is Christ.

Let them see that 'the Lord is little and greatly to be loved' and they will do the rest. Books of theology can frighten them, noisy propaganda can drive them away, controversy can chill them, organization withers up their minds, but the joy of someone like themselves, happy in the company of God, cannot fail to show them how lovable God is. "

Little is much

It continually humbles me the way that the Lord uses His lowly ones to proclaim His message of love, joy, and mercy. Time and time again I have encountered men, women, and children in the city who clearly have a tough life according to the world's standards, and yet they radiate an infectious sense of hope and serenity. One particular person that has touched me in this way is one of the janitors at my office. We'll call him Martin.

Martin comes to collect the recyclables out of the office recycling bins every day. An African American man of about 40, he is a lanky, balding fellow always sporting the blue pinstripe cleaning uniform polo and baggy navy work pants. Often, he is chewing on a toothpick, but this doesn't deter his cheerful interactions with all of the office staff.

If I were in his place, working his job, I would be incredibly sulky and disenchanted. I mean, who wants the monotonous job of emptying garbage cans all day? But you would think that he was as content as a man who was performing the tasks of his dream job; Martin is always cheerful, always offering a joy-filled greeting to those he passes by. "Hi, how are you?" he'll ask as he energetically empties the bin. "I'm good," I answer, trying to be cheerful too. In my head though, many times I am thinking about how my verbal answer masks my discontent: I wish I were doing something more meaningful, more challenging, more productive. I wish I was doing something where I could clearly see that I was touching lives and changing the world. Or I wish I didn't have a headache, or I wish I had more money, a car, or just a more clearly defined plan for my life.

Then I tell Martin "thank you", and he says with a genuine spirit, "yo're welcome," and and bounces off empty the next plastic bin. Sometimes, I run into him when I am leaving for the day, and he'll say "Have a good night, now," and I know he really means it - he's not just being polite to the other employees because his superior told him to.

I am truly floored by Martin's joy in the midst of such a mundane job. His simplicity and contentment to be a good garbage man and do his job well is really an inspiration. I find myself thinking, "If people like Martin can be content and joyful with the seemingly insignificant and boring jobs that they have to do, day in, and day out, there is no reason why I can be a little more content in what God is calling me to do at this moment."

I sense that Martin just possesses a deep spirit of gratitude that I have yet to reach. I don't know if Martin is a Christian, or what his story is, but from his interactions and disposition, I think that he is very grateful for the ways that he is blessed, and is provided for. Nothing else but this spirit could explain a joyful heart in such circumstances.

And so I pray for a grateful heart. I pray for a heart that sees the blessing in every little task that the Lord has prepared for me, because all of us were" created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10)

I sense that people such as Martin are able to live the teachings of St. Therese the Little Flower in a very real way, in that they transform ordinary tasks into beautiful works of mercy by the way that they imbue joy. St. Therese said, "To pick up a pin for love can convert a soul." It's humbling to think of how many opportunities we have love the Lord and love others by offering our mundane tasks to Him. Why is it so much easier to complain, rather than to whisper a little prayer of offering? May He give us the grace to allow Him to transform our data entry, our e-mail checking, and our trash can emptying into something beautiful and truly joy-filled.