The simple thing that makes a Saint

I went to a talk a few months ago, and the priest kept emphasizing that,

"The difference between a regular person and a saint is that the saint perseveres."

Let's face it, life is hard, and we all struggles under the weight of many crosses, hardships, and challenges. Discouragement so easily sets in, and destroys the peace of our hearts and the shaky trust of our souls. Many times, its so much easier to give into discouragement than it is to choose perseverance. Inherent in perseverance is not simply the ability to continue picking up our crosses, but picking up our crosses in faith that God will bring good out of our hardships and gradually accomplish His perfect purpose in us.

I woke up this morning very discouraged. Ironic after my post yesterday, but sometimes, experiences discouragement is a very natural response to difficulties - a feeling that just comes upon us. There are a number of aspects in my life right now that I wish weren't going the way they are. I have been in a job for nearly a year that I do not enjoy - it doesn't challenge me or stretch me professionally, and my dedicated efforts to find something better haven't been fruitful so far. I still don't really have any idea what my vocation is, whether I am to be married, or religious, or simply stay single forever. It's difficult to proceed with blind faith on that one, while simultaneously seeking clarity about God's will for me. I am rather pennyless, and although I can gratefully afford the basic necessities of life, it's frustrating not to be able to afford a car and have the independence that a personal vehicle brings.

The difference between a regular person and a saint is that a saint perseveres.

So instead of giving into discouragement, I will try to invoke the Holy Spirit to help me trudge on in faith, that "in difficult moments I might not become despondent but submit myself to His most holy will, which is love and mercy itself."

"How you can stop worrying and enjoy the single life"

Thanks to a recommendation from a good friend, I recently discovered a fabulous blog written specifically for Catholic singles called "Seraphic Singles: How you can stop worrying and enjoy the single life." I've gotta say, this is the most refreshing and encouraging resource I have found for Catholic singles in a long time. Unlike many Catholic popular writing which simply dismiss the single life as a transitory phase (hopefully brief) that young people are a part of before embarking on their permanent vocation to be either married or religious, the author, Dorothy Cummings, encourages and inspires readers to live life fully as a single. She emphasizes the ways in which God is calling, leading, and working in the lives of singles and ways in which we can respond to these calls.

Sometimes the single life is a phase of preparation for the vocation of marriage or religious life, but it is not simply that. She maintains that God has a purpose for everyone's singleness, and we need to trust in His infinite Providence. I would say that her blog is summed up as "How do I best live the single life and how is God calling me to holiness in this very moment?" This attitude is what she calls being a "Seraphic Single."

She also has excellent, nuanced, and entertaining thoughts on the struggles and idiosyncrasies of the Catholic dating scene. I think that her honest analysis of the plight of searching singles is not only incredibly accurate but also enlightening. I definitely read through several months worth of postings the first day I found her blog. I look forward to reading the rest of the archives as well as reading her new book, "The Closet's all Mine!"

I found one of her recent postings about "The Goodness of Gratitude" to be particularly inspiring, and perhaps you will too. It's a reminder that instead of grasping for things that God doesn't have in store for us at the moment, we need to learn to be grateful for the gifts He has showered us with. Cummings says,

"My list of beatitudes has changed since I married, but my stance of gratitude has not. To choose to live in gratitude is to vote for happiness. It is not the province of married people. There are thousands of married people who have chosen to be miserable. If I set my mind to it, I could make myself miserable by blowing up my husband's occasional cross moods into monstrous injustices, by worrying endlessly about money, and by wailing over my lost academic career...Instead of smiling at the little children I see on the beach, I could weep and wail because they're not mine. But I don't choose to. I don't choose to be miserable. I choose to be happy. Happy rocks my world."

Trained by His discipline

The second reading at Mass today really spoke to me, and I wanted to share some of my reflections here.

Hebrews 12:5-7, 11-13:

"Brothers and sisters,

You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:
“My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges.”
Endure your trials as “discipline”;
God treats you as sons.
For what “son” is there whom his father does not discipline?
At the time,
all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,
yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who are trained by it.

So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees.
Make straight paths for your feet,
that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed. "

When I heard this reading, I thought about the word "discipline" both in the sense of "being disciplined", but also in the sense of "growing in discipline." I must admit that by nature, I am not a very disciplined person. Case in point, my blog is updated, not multiple times a week as I had set out to do, but on a whim, when the spirit moves me. I know that discipline is something that I need to grow in, but unlike some people who have a penchant for creating order and discipline in their life that they might achieve specific daily goals, I have often viewed the virtue of discipline as stark, challenging, and just plain boring.

One of the phrases that really stuck out to me in this passage was the phrase about being "trained" by discipline. Discipline certainly is a training - it's strengthening your will to choose the good; it is a slow process, wherein which we train ourselves, and allow God to train us to follow His ways which often means denying ourselves instant gratification. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines discipline as "training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character, and also "control gained by enforcing obedience or order orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior."

It means saying yes to that which makes us better people, and saying no to that which tears us down. It is these little decisions, this specific framework, that shapes that pattern of our character through a gradual process.

The reason that this line really spoke to me is that it was an encouragement to me in perseverance. Often times, when we are in the middle of learning a specific discipline, whether physical or spiritual, and training ourselves to act or respond in a certain way, it is pure drudgery and often times, even painful. In the midst of the moment, all we see is how uncomfortable we are, or even the pain that we are experiencing. For example, when an athlete is running sprint after sprint, ready to keel over from exhaustion, it's hard for him to see the larger picture - the way that this is making him a better player.

photo by wwarby

He just knows that he is out of breadth and incredibly sore. It's not until days, months, or years down the road, that he realizes how those hours of grueling running drills helped him win the championship game. Later, after the most trying moments of learning this discipline, does the person recognize and experience in a profound way, that peaceful fruit of righteousness. Basically, to be able to endure and develop discipline, a person must have the eyes of faith. They must have the faith to trust that their decisions of self-denial will help form them into a better person, even if one is distracted by the pain of the moment rather than the success of the outcome.

About 7 weeks ago, I embarked on the discipline of eliminating sugar and chemical sweeteners out of my diet. I decided to do this for health reasons, and while it was something that I had contemplated for awhile, meeting with a nutritionist who also recommended this dietary change motivated me to actually take the plunge and whole-heatedly make the change. Although I am feeling so much better after eliminating sugar out of my diet and noticing vast improvements in my health, it's not to say that they process and the commitment has been easy. In fact, it's been really hard at times. But then I am reminded that the result of this discipline will inevitably be better health, and that is so much more important and satisfying than momentary gratification.

Because of this new commitment in my life, I especially liked the closing line of this passage, "Make straight paths for your feet,
that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed. " Sometimes, it's difficult to make these straight, narrow paths through discipline. But it is only through this discipline that we will be healed, be it body, mind, or soul.

What a beautiful vision the Lord gives His children in this passage. And I am certain He gives us the grace in abundance too.

Touching the hearts in our midst

"What powerful preaching there can be in simple contact with a soul! One single soul can change the whole moral atmosphere surrounding it by its solitary light."

~ Elisabeth Leseur

I recently finished reading the "Secret Diary of Elizabeth Leseur." This book is filled with the writings of Elisabeth, a devoted Catholic young woman living in upper-class Paris in the early 20th century. I had read several excerpts of Elisabeth's writings in the Magnificat magazine over the past several months, and these meditations really spoke to me. I think one of the main reasons was because Elisabeth was a lay woman, seeking to live the faith in profound ways in the midst of secular culture. Elisabeth was married to Felix Leseur, a french physician who, although raised Catholic, became an atheist and was extremely hostile towards the faith. Through her writings one can see the depths of faith that Elisabeth had, praying fervently for her husband's conversion, accepting suffering with patience and fortitude, (she suffered many severe ailments, and eventually succumbed to breast cancer in 1914) and striving to touch the souls around her with the love and light of Christ.

I was greatly inspired reading Elisabeth's diary. I particularly found her dedication to intellectual study and authentic culture and arts impressive. She understood the value of acquiring knowledge and wisdom in order that one might be able to more fully communicate truth, as well as the ability of the fine arts of the day to convey Beauty.

What most spoke to me though, was Elisabeth's total commitment to loving the souls placed in her path in her ordinary life. As a lay, married woman, Elisabeth was did not have the framework of a religious community, or even the benefit of a supportive husband in order to encourage her in this mission. She also remained childless, a cross which I imagine brought her great suffering insofar as she was unable to participate in the vocation of biological motherhood. And although she was involved in charitable work earlier in her life, when her illness set in, she had to resign herself to let the Lord use her suffering, rather than her action, to evangelize the culture. So the reader sees as they read her diary, the way that she come to accept her humble but vital purpose in life to reach out to those souls put in her path. In doing so, she offers an inspirational example to lay Catholics, particularly I think, lay professionals who wonder how it is that they can concretely serve God's people in the secular day-to-day.

Some of her thoughts which were particularly inspiring to me:

"Let us love. Let our souls and our lives be a perpetual song of love for God first of all and for all human beings who suffer, love, and mourn.

Let profound joy live in us. Let us be like the lark, enemy of the night, who always announces the dawn and awakens in each creature the love of light and life. Let us awaken souls."

~~~~

"Let us not linger in contemplation of the road ahead; let us follow the narrow path. Let us not look too far or too high, but right in front of ourselves, right next to ourselves. The good to be done is perhaps there."

~~~~

"Grace alone can bring about conversion; without it, we can do nothing for a soul. But can we not prepare the materials for grace? Can we not put into people's minds new ideas that, when touched by grace, may one day rise and live? It is humble work, demanding much patience and tact, and it must be performed without expecting any result but what is willed by God and known only to Him."

~~~~

"Those we encounter along our earthly path cast a distracted look in passing upon the outer wrappings of our being, and go their way, confident of knowing us sufficiently. Let us take care not to act in the same way toward the companions of our life. Even in a brief encounter, we can touch a soul, or, even more, achieve a profound insight into that which is hidden beneath appearances: a whole person, a whole life, of which others remain in perpetual ignorance."

Contemplative in the country (for a day)

This past Sunday afternoon through Monday evening I had the opportunity of spending some time with my friend Claire at the organic farm where she works in Owings, Maryland. The farm is called "The Lamb's Quarter", and they grow 4-5 acres worth of fresh, organic vegetables, as well as selling grass-fed meat and free-range eggs. The Lamb's Quarter is a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), and they also sell their food at the Farmer's Market in Old Town Alexandria on Saturday mornings.

Claire has worked at the farm for a few months now, and after hearing her intriguing tales about farm life (some of which can be read on her blog), I was excited to be able to experience "the farm life" first hand. As a "city girl", I had never done any farming before...and although I aspire to be a successful gardener, I really don't have much experience in that realm either. Our day was filled with a plethora of farm tasks though, so I got a varied introduction to a-day-in-the-life of a farmer.

Our activities included:
~ Harvesting green beans, yellow beans, and flat beans
~ Harvesting beautiful sunny pattypan squash and zucchini
~ Harvesting okra
~ Transferring about 25 boxes of frozen meat from the truck to the walk-in freezer
~ Potting and planting new squash seeds
~ Harvesting several different varieties of tomatoes; this was the largest crop of the day, yielding about 6 buckets full

In 90 degree + temperatures as the beating sun shone down with dense humidity, I can certainly say that farming is not a venture for the faint of heart. I was quite exhausted after just one day of it - I can't imagine the stamina and endurance necessary for completing farm tasks all year long. I definitely have a new found respect for farmers and farmhands - as well as a greater respect for the time, care, and energy that is put into local organic crops. It makes me think that spending the extra money for local organic products is worth every penny; it's not just buying food, but buying food produced through a labor of love.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the farm, and as I was helping to harvest some of the vegetables I was reflecting on the contemplative nature of this sort of task, versus my computer-centered city desk job.

It is true, that out in the country, under the wide open sky and in the midst of God's beautiful creation, the atmosphere is particularly conducive to meditation and prayer. The atmosphere there is so peaceful, so simple.

Some of my favorite moments on the farm were:

~ Noticing the quiet rustic surroundings; being able to hear more clearly the bird songs by day, and the crickets chirping in the evening.
~ Observing the amazing array of bugs that found a home amongst the plants and the soil. Some of them were quite intricate with their unique camouflage.
~ Tasting a sun-ripened black cherry tomato, straight off the vine
~ Looking out into the rolling meadows, seeing the long brush wave in the wind, and the butterflies flit through the fields.
~ Feeling the refreshing, gentle country breeze in the midst of the hot July sun.
~ Meeting the delightful and gracious family that owns and runs the farm.
~ After a long days work, taking a nap in one of the old barns, straw hat still atop my head (I'm not kidding), grateful for the shade and the soft breeze.

Yes, it was quite an enjoyable time. I certainly would like to go back again to get a little whiff of the country air, to see God's creation unfolding, like bean plants or zucchini blossoms, or little lady bugs on a leaf.

The meeting place of loneliness

Every season of life has its own particular crosses, each with their own weight, challenges, and suffering. The season in my life right now seems to be the season of loneliness. Its a phenomenon that I am sure many single young adults universally share. Without a spouse and children with whom to share the joys, trials, and adventures of life, it's easy to feel like an aimless drifter without a compass. As human persons we were made to give our lives as gifts for one another; the ultimate expression of this is through the Sacrament of Marriage and within the life of the family. As we were made to experience these bonds of love with one another, whether it be literally, through marriage and family life, or symbolically, through the vocations to the priesthood and religious life, it is understandable that in the absence of such a relationship, we experience a deep void and loneliness. To many of us singles who are trying to make our way in the world, discern God's will for our lives, and wait upon His perfect plan, this state of life can be a source of painful emptiness and confusion.

How do I find meaning and purpose in my life, in the here and now, as I live my life as a single Catholic? I do not have the vocation of serving a spouse and children, so how do I find fulfillment in my desire to live a life of self-gift and love?

These are questions that I ask myself each day. For as many of the beautiful opportunities of independence and flexibility that the single state of life offers, this very plethora of vaugue options can be bewildering in itself. Where do I find my purpose, where do I find my center?

And in my aching loneliness, my moments of discouragement and confusion, I have been coming back to that one brilliant truth. He is my rock. My home is His heart.

For those of us who are still wandering in the valley of singleness, it seems as though He is carving out our hearts in a special way; preparing new wineskins, so that His love might fill up our cups in abundance. It is as though He has taken us all to this special place, so that we have no choice but to say, "His grace is sufficient for me." It is loneliness which takes us to this place; this place where in His mysterious tenderness He beckons us to see His own wounds of loneliness and suffering, so that we might be more deeply fused into the fire of His love.

I suppose that on our best days, one might almost call it a privledge. He strips us of this human comfort and companionship that we so ardently desire, so that we have more space for Him to fill us, mold us, and strengthen us.

In contemplating the cross of loneliness in my life, I came upon this article written by Adam Cardinal Maida, an address to single Catholics. I found his words very encouraging and thought -provoking, particularly this paragraph:

"When we think about single life, it is helpful to remember that ultimately, every person — married or not — is alone in this world. Our heart and our soul have a certain quality of emptiness or incompleteness that no one can ever completely fill, for our true home is not here. We are pilgrims on a journey to another world. As Jesus taught, those in the single state remind us that, in the life to come, all our relationships will take on a new meaning and perspective; they will pale by comparison to the all-encompassing power of God’s unconditional love."

And so in this moment in time, (though we all hope it is simply a season of our life), these feelings of emptiness and incompleteness are very real. And this cross brings us to our knees, day in and day out. May we find comfort knowing that He is there waiting to meet us in our loneliness, waiting to fill our hearts with His presence. He is the Lover of our souls; may we seize these moments to let Him love us undistractedly.

Summertime joys

With the temperatures soaring well into the 100s, it's clear that summer is definitely here to stay. I feel like this year I have been able to especially enjoy the spirit of summertime, since for the first time in 6 years I haven't either been waitressing crazy night shifts or, like the previous two summers, studying or attending evening classes. Instead, I go to work, have free time in the evenings and have my weekend days off. With warm weather and daylight that stretches long into the evenings, it's been great to spend more time outside going on evening walks, getting some delicious frozen yogurt while strolling the city streets as the sun goes down, or playing frisbee with friends.

Since it's the first summer in a long while that I have been able to catch my breath so to speak, I find myself recalling more childhood summertime memories - probably because now it's a little easier for me to think of summer as a time for relaxation, rejuvenation and adventure. The way that summers used to be! I fondly recall childhood summers spent reading book after book, swimming in the neighborhood pool, catching lightening bugs after dark, having American Girl doll club meetings with my friends, sitting on the porch with my family on summer nights eating ice cream and sharing good conversation, going on trips to the beach with my family, going to summer camp and enjoying time spent in nature. The list could go on and on. Especially as a child, summer was such a beautiful, carefree time brimming with the promise of time off from school, and time spent having fun.

I feel like I have been blessed experience a little bit more of this summertime spirit this year. Although I don't have the means or vacation time to travel anywhere extravagant this summer, I enjoy even simply daydreaming of future trips or modest getaway ideas. Most of all I just appreciate being more free to enjoy the simple pleasures of the season, from fresh cherries, to early morning sunrises, to afternoons on the beach. And on that note, I am off now to curl up with a good book...because quite honestly, one of the best parts of summer for me is the chance to explore, read, and enjoy new books. Right now I am reading a Christian Historical fiction series by Francine Rivers, "Mark of the Lion" that is excellent. But I have many more books to get to, so off I go!