Solitude and loneliness

Over the past several months, I have been praying, reflecting, and reading a lot on the cross of loneliness and the fruit of solitude. I feel like it's been a very eye-opening journey, as I seek to see my own moments of loneliness as an opportunity to enter more deeply into communion with Christ, and to allow Christ to transform loneliness into holy, fruitful, creative solitude. Ever so slowly, I am beginning to better understand the concept of solitude; how through a spirit of solitude, the Lord creates a peace-filled space in our hearts where He can come and dwell. When we embrace a spirit of solitude we open ourselves up to the work of Christ, and become more free to give ourselves in service of others.

Today I read a beautiful reflection related to this in the Magnificat (although this reflection is from Tuesday, October 5th). I wanted to highlight some of this here.

"For it is, on the whole, just the saints who do desire solitude; the sinners are far too lonely to find a desert at all suitable or even tolerable. Notice who those are that spend most of their time rushing from one distraction to another; they are those who have felt the torment of loneliness so fiercely that they cannot endure to be by themselves. So lonely are they that they spend all their time feverishly pursuing one pleasure after another or one work after another...

Pleasure is heaped up in crowded hours to make them forget the aching void of their hearts. Indeed, it is their greatest punishment that they finally succeed, until they lose at last all perception of their pain, whereas the saints are so full in themselves of love that they must draw off alone to be away from all others; so accompanied are they by the dear presence of their Friend...Thus sat Mary at the feet of Jesus, while Martha, busied over many things that were unnecessary, hurried to and fro, sometimes in his presence and sometimes out of it. This does not mean that we can show our love only by retiring out of the world to the cloister; but it does imply that only those can stand the loneliness of life who have their hearts aflame with the love of another."

~ Father Bede Jarrett, O.P.

The meeting place of loneliness

Every season of life has its own particular crosses, each with their own weight, challenges, and suffering. The season in my life right now seems to be the season of loneliness. Its a phenomenon that I am sure many single young adults universally share. Without a spouse and children with whom to share the joys, trials, and adventures of life, it's easy to feel like an aimless drifter without a compass. As human persons we were made to give our lives as gifts for one another; the ultimate expression of this is through the Sacrament of Marriage and within the life of the family. As we were made to experience these bonds of love with one another, whether it be literally, through marriage and family life, or symbolically, through the vocations to the priesthood and religious life, it is understandable that in the absence of such a relationship, we experience a deep void and loneliness. To many of us singles who are trying to make our way in the world, discern God's will for our lives, and wait upon His perfect plan, this state of life can be a source of painful emptiness and confusion.

How do I find meaning and purpose in my life, in the here and now, as I live my life as a single Catholic? I do not have the vocation of serving a spouse and children, so how do I find fulfillment in my desire to live a life of self-gift and love?

These are questions that I ask myself each day. For as many of the beautiful opportunities of independence and flexibility that the single state of life offers, this very plethora of vaugue options can be bewildering in itself. Where do I find my purpose, where do I find my center?

And in my aching loneliness, my moments of discouragement and confusion, I have been coming back to that one brilliant truth. He is my rock. My home is His heart.

For those of us who are still wandering in the valley of singleness, it seems as though He is carving out our hearts in a special way; preparing new wineskins, so that His love might fill up our cups in abundance. It is as though He has taken us all to this special place, so that we have no choice but to say, "His grace is sufficient for me." It is loneliness which takes us to this place; this place where in His mysterious tenderness He beckons us to see His own wounds of loneliness and suffering, so that we might be more deeply fused into the fire of His love.

I suppose that on our best days, one might almost call it a privledge. He strips us of this human comfort and companionship that we so ardently desire, so that we have more space for Him to fill us, mold us, and strengthen us.

In contemplating the cross of loneliness in my life, I came upon this article written by Adam Cardinal Maida, an address to single Catholics. I found his words very encouraging and thought -provoking, particularly this paragraph:

"When we think about single life, it is helpful to remember that ultimately, every person — married or not — is alone in this world. Our heart and our soul have a certain quality of emptiness or incompleteness that no one can ever completely fill, for our true home is not here. We are pilgrims on a journey to another world. As Jesus taught, those in the single state remind us that, in the life to come, all our relationships will take on a new meaning and perspective; they will pale by comparison to the all-encompassing power of God’s unconditional love."

And so in this moment in time, (though we all hope it is simply a season of our life), these feelings of emptiness and incompleteness are very real. And this cross brings us to our knees, day in and day out. May we find comfort knowing that He is there waiting to meet us in our loneliness, waiting to fill our hearts with His presence. He is the Lover of our souls; may we seize these moments to let Him love us undistractedly.