The call to spiritual motherhood

For all you single ladies out there, longing for a vocation to motherhood to begin, or all of you married women who are unable to conceive a child, take heart in this beautiful meditation from Caryll Houselander. Whether God has asked this special sacrifice of yours for a little while or has asked you to bear this lifelong cross of barrenness, may you find inspiration to the noble calling you have received ~

"For some, marriage is a vocation; it is a superb vocation, on it depends not merely our race going on, but the Christian life going on in the world. But there are others who have the vocation to be spiritual mothers. Sometimes they are married women too and learn this spiritual motherhood from their own children, but sometimes they are unmarried, either from choice or circumstance. I say 'circumstance' because it is a cruel mistake to suppose that if a woman would honestly like to marry but circumstances make it impossible, that she is merely frustrated and should devote her life to toy dogs, bazaars and acidity.

Circumstance is the one reliable test of God's will for us, and a clearer indication than any 'attraction' we might feel.

For the woman, then, who does not marry, is motherhood a vocation? It most certainly is, and God forbid that anyone should read into those words condoning of that fussy, grasping interfering attitude that passes so often for 'spiritual motherhood'. The essential thing is this, that the mother instinct, the capacity for love, be awake, alive.

This means suffering. It is easier in the long run to dry up the life in us than to develop and direct it. The woman who will be truly a spiritual mother will feel in herself, in her body and in her soul all the desire and necessity for a child of her own.

In this very passionate longing, in this aliveness of love her purity will consist. Indeed it is the essence of virginity, for we do not lay dead ash on the altar of sacrifice but burning fire. The same intense aliveness gives her a constant suffering. All maternity involves pain and sacrifice, spiritual motherhood as much as any other.

Then again she has to think this, that it is for the sake of the spiritually motherless children that God asks her to suffer this lifelong depth of feeling, which so far as her personal gratification is concerned will always be unsatisfied. He wants her to be hungry and thirsty all her life. This is achieved only by the development of her nature and complete abandonment to his will.

For whom is this hunger and thirst? For whom does God ask women to develop their human nature to its full warmth and tenderness and to sacrifice it? For the child Christ.

The child Christ lives in many souls, disregarded, unfostered, unhelped. It is not only in the sinner that he needs a mother, but in timid and ignorant sould, in while where innocent life is suffocated by worldliness, in souls surrounded by subtle temptations to so compromise with faith and holiness that were there no mother to help and counsel and make strong, his life could never be more than a sickly colourless flower growing in a dark cellar."

~ Caryll Houselander
in the essay "Mother of the Unseen Christ"
found in the book "Lift up your hearts".

Solitude and loneliness

Over the past several months, I have been praying, reflecting, and reading a lot on the cross of loneliness and the fruit of solitude. I feel like it's been a very eye-opening journey, as I seek to see my own moments of loneliness as an opportunity to enter more deeply into communion with Christ, and to allow Christ to transform loneliness into holy, fruitful, creative solitude. Ever so slowly, I am beginning to better understand the concept of solitude; how through a spirit of solitude, the Lord creates a peace-filled space in our hearts where He can come and dwell. When we embrace a spirit of solitude we open ourselves up to the work of Christ, and become more free to give ourselves in service of others.

Today I read a beautiful reflection related to this in the Magnificat (although this reflection is from Tuesday, October 5th). I wanted to highlight some of this here.

"For it is, on the whole, just the saints who do desire solitude; the sinners are far too lonely to find a desert at all suitable or even tolerable. Notice who those are that spend most of their time rushing from one distraction to another; they are those who have felt the torment of loneliness so fiercely that they cannot endure to be by themselves. So lonely are they that they spend all their time feverishly pursuing one pleasure after another or one work after another...

Pleasure is heaped up in crowded hours to make them forget the aching void of their hearts. Indeed, it is their greatest punishment that they finally succeed, until they lose at last all perception of their pain, whereas the saints are so full in themselves of love that they must draw off alone to be away from all others; so accompanied are they by the dear presence of their Friend...Thus sat Mary at the feet of Jesus, while Martha, busied over many things that were unnecessary, hurried to and fro, sometimes in his presence and sometimes out of it. This does not mean that we can show our love only by retiring out of the world to the cloister; but it does imply that only those can stand the loneliness of life who have their hearts aflame with the love of another."

~ Father Bede Jarrett, O.P.

Singleness and the present moment

Yesterday I went to an excellent conference for single women, called "The Art of Being a Woman." It was a beautiful day, and I feel like I took away a lot of inspiration and motivation from the talks, witnesses, and prayer time. I am sure in the next few weeks I will be unpacking some of the topics that were discussed.

While the talks were geared towards women whose ultimate 'goal' was marriage, I appreciated the fact that the speakers also spoke of the importance of the vocation of the present moment. This was very heartening as well as thought-provoking.

One of the primary struggles of the single life, I think, is feeling like you are in a state where you are waiting for your 'permanant vocation' to finally come along. While it is good to be thinking in terms of a long term vision for your future, I think that viewing singleness as simply a "waiting" period is not entirely helpful. Furthermore, singleness is also described as a time of preparation. In particular, it is often portrayed as a time when hopeful wives-to-be can brush up on their cooking skills, pay off their debt, or work on personal growth areas that will enrich their future marriage. Obviously this is a legitimate and worthwhile perspective, particularly for those that are pretty convinced that their vocation is marriage. And obviously, it is worthy and good to embark on these goals for their own sake as well.

However, I think that the restlessness and discontent that comes with being single can often be exacerbated when one's current state in life is only viewed as a period of waiting, or a only viewed period of preparation for some more grand purpose. It robs us of the dignity of what we are doing in this very moment. What needs to be recognized and affirmed for singles is the value of the present moment. Certainly for everyone, married, single, religious, our experiences throughout life serve to prepare us for forthcoming events in God's providential plan. It's really neat and beautiful the way that works, and in this way, no matter what we are doing we can see it as a preparation for the future, or as part of waiting for life to unfold before us. But I think that we also can't overlook the fact that each gift God gifts us, each challenge He calls us to, and each opportunity for service as singles that He gives us has an inherent goodness and purpose in and of itself.

I'm pretty sure that if we live our lives as singles solely storing up treasures for the future, delicately trying to measure out our activities to fit the mold of what we envision our future to be, we will be setting ourselves up for greater impatience, and a greater tendency to neglect the tasks at hand.

It's encouraging and inspiring to me to remember that God has called me to this current state of singleness right now for His greater purpose. Right now, in this moment, He is giving me opportunities to love and to be loved; to serve and be served. There is something about my singleness right now that He is using to for the glory of His kingdom right now.

A life surrendered to God in the little details, letting His Spirit penetrate your heart and move in mysterious ways is not a life in limbo; a life looking for ways to serve others and to love the souls in your midst is not simply a holding pattern; a life in which you pick up the heavy crosses along your paths with courage and strength is not merely a waiting game. This, my friends, is living life to the full, living the vocation of the moment. We should not be ashamed that this is "all" we are doing. This is all we have to do.

Not alone

A friend of mine recently lent me the book "Interior Freedom", by Jacques Philippe. I have read another book by this author, and was really moved by his spiritual reflections which are at the same time simple and down-to-earth, yet very profound. During this time in my life when I am making big decisions, anticipating change and the unknown, I found the following passage, which is the closing reflection in the book, to be so inspirational. We are never alone - He always goes before us, leading us and guiding us.

"By way of conclusion, I offer for the reader's meditation a beautiful dialogue between Jesus and a contemporary Spanish spiritual writer, who has had a close relationship with Our Lady since childhood who has chosen to remain anonymous.


flickr/ by andycoan


'Have you never wondered which of all the things that you experience causes me the greatest joy?'

'No,' I said to Jesus.

He answered, 'When in lucid freedom, you say yes to God's calls.' And then He continued, 'remember what it says in the Gospel, "The truth will make you free." You can only respond freely to the calls of grace when your own truth becomes clear, when you accept it humbly, and when on that basis, you maintain a conversation with God, realizing that everything that has happened and has happened to you is part of a loving and providential project of your Father God.'

'Yes, many things will cause you perplexity, They will even plunge you into intense darkness, and, still more, into suffering that wounds and paralyzes you. But if you have recourse to your faith, it will be your shield. Doesn't God reveal himself as your Abba?  Have not I, the Son, taken on your condition at it's most wretched? Doesn't the Paraclete defend you? Believe all this will your heart and soul, and it will fill you with trust and confidence.'

'Don't be afraid of yourselves! Don't be afraid of all that you are in your human reality, where God pitches His tent to dwell with you. God is incarnation. God's new name is Emmanuel, God is with us: God with your reality. Open yourself to it without fear. Only in the measure you discover yourself will you will discover the depths of his love. In the depths of what you are, you will experience that you are not alone. Someone, lovingly and mercifully, not as spectator, not as judge, but as someone who loves you, who offers himself to you, who espouses you to free you, save you, and heal you...To stay with you forever, loving you, loving you!' "

The best company

“My idea of good company, Mr. Elliot, is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.”

“You are mistaken,” said he gently, “that is not good company, that is the best.”

—Jane Austen, Persuasion

 
I recently read this quote on a blog post from the IMAGE blog and it instantly resonated with me. I thought..."a-ha! Yes, that is what I call good company too." Then I began thinking, appreciating, how so many of my friends and acquaintances fit this description; how I enjoy their cleverness, their intellect, and their conversation.

This weekend I feel like I was particularly blessed with a plethora of amazing, thought-provoking conversations with friends, old and new. We talked about vocation, femininity, music, relationships, politics, food, nutrition, expectations, hopes, and dreams.

I am so grateful for this good company. You dear friends inspire me, challenge me, encourage me, entertain me, and enlighten me. What a gift this is, to walk through the valley of life, trudging up and down the paths together, with such true and heartfelt companions.

"How you can stop worrying and enjoy the single life"

Thanks to a recommendation from a good friend, I recently discovered a fabulous blog written specifically for Catholic singles called "Seraphic Singles: How you can stop worrying and enjoy the single life." I've gotta say, this is the most refreshing and encouraging resource I have found for Catholic singles in a long time. Unlike many Catholic popular writing which simply dismiss the single life as a transitory phase (hopefully brief) that young people are a part of before embarking on their permanent vocation to be either married or religious, the author, Dorothy Cummings, encourages and inspires readers to live life fully as a single. She emphasizes the ways in which God is calling, leading, and working in the lives of singles and ways in which we can respond to these calls.

Sometimes the single life is a phase of preparation for the vocation of marriage or religious life, but it is not simply that. She maintains that God has a purpose for everyone's singleness, and we need to trust in His infinite Providence. I would say that her blog is summed up as "How do I best live the single life and how is God calling me to holiness in this very moment?" This attitude is what she calls being a "Seraphic Single."

She also has excellent, nuanced, and entertaining thoughts on the struggles and idiosyncrasies of the Catholic dating scene. I think that her honest analysis of the plight of searching singles is not only incredibly accurate but also enlightening. I definitely read through several months worth of postings the first day I found her blog. I look forward to reading the rest of the archives as well as reading her new book, "The Closet's all Mine!"

I found one of her recent postings about "The Goodness of Gratitude" to be particularly inspiring, and perhaps you will too. It's a reminder that instead of grasping for things that God doesn't have in store for us at the moment, we need to learn to be grateful for the gifts He has showered us with. Cummings says,

"My list of beatitudes has changed since I married, but my stance of gratitude has not. To choose to live in gratitude is to vote for happiness. It is not the province of married people. There are thousands of married people who have chosen to be miserable. If I set my mind to it, I could make myself miserable by blowing up my husband's occasional cross moods into monstrous injustices, by worrying endlessly about money, and by wailing over my lost academic career...Instead of smiling at the little children I see on the beach, I could weep and wail because they're not mine. But I don't choose to. I don't choose to be miserable. I choose to be happy. Happy rocks my world."

The meeting place of loneliness

Every season of life has its own particular crosses, each with their own weight, challenges, and suffering. The season in my life right now seems to be the season of loneliness. Its a phenomenon that I am sure many single young adults universally share. Without a spouse and children with whom to share the joys, trials, and adventures of life, it's easy to feel like an aimless drifter without a compass. As human persons we were made to give our lives as gifts for one another; the ultimate expression of this is through the Sacrament of Marriage and within the life of the family. As we were made to experience these bonds of love with one another, whether it be literally, through marriage and family life, or symbolically, through the vocations to the priesthood and religious life, it is understandable that in the absence of such a relationship, we experience a deep void and loneliness. To many of us singles who are trying to make our way in the world, discern God's will for our lives, and wait upon His perfect plan, this state of life can be a source of painful emptiness and confusion.

How do I find meaning and purpose in my life, in the here and now, as I live my life as a single Catholic? I do not have the vocation of serving a spouse and children, so how do I find fulfillment in my desire to live a life of self-gift and love?

These are questions that I ask myself each day. For as many of the beautiful opportunities of independence and flexibility that the single state of life offers, this very plethora of vaugue options can be bewildering in itself. Where do I find my purpose, where do I find my center?

And in my aching loneliness, my moments of discouragement and confusion, I have been coming back to that one brilliant truth. He is my rock. My home is His heart.

For those of us who are still wandering in the valley of singleness, it seems as though He is carving out our hearts in a special way; preparing new wineskins, so that His love might fill up our cups in abundance. It is as though He has taken us all to this special place, so that we have no choice but to say, "His grace is sufficient for me." It is loneliness which takes us to this place; this place where in His mysterious tenderness He beckons us to see His own wounds of loneliness and suffering, so that we might be more deeply fused into the fire of His love.

I suppose that on our best days, one might almost call it a privledge. He strips us of this human comfort and companionship that we so ardently desire, so that we have more space for Him to fill us, mold us, and strengthen us.

In contemplating the cross of loneliness in my life, I came upon this article written by Adam Cardinal Maida, an address to single Catholics. I found his words very encouraging and thought -provoking, particularly this paragraph:

"When we think about single life, it is helpful to remember that ultimately, every person — married or not — is alone in this world. Our heart and our soul have a certain quality of emptiness or incompleteness that no one can ever completely fill, for our true home is not here. We are pilgrims on a journey to another world. As Jesus taught, those in the single state remind us that, in the life to come, all our relationships will take on a new meaning and perspective; they will pale by comparison to the all-encompassing power of God’s unconditional love."

And so in this moment in time, (though we all hope it is simply a season of our life), these feelings of emptiness and incompleteness are very real. And this cross brings us to our knees, day in and day out. May we find comfort knowing that He is there waiting to meet us in our loneliness, waiting to fill our hearts with His presence. He is the Lover of our souls; may we seize these moments to let Him love us undistractedly.

Young, transient, and....organized?

It's Monday again. I have mixed feelings about Mondays. Unlike the rest of the world, Monday is not the day I start my work week (I work Tuesdays - Saturdays), but it is my day off. As Sunday is my first day off which I seek to spend in relaxation, leisure, and good company, Monday is my day when I want to get stuff done. Frequently when my friends ask me what I am going to do on Monday I say "organize my life." It's pretty much my main goal every Monday - run errands, pay bills, and most of all, try and organize the paperwork, mail, clothes, and random boxes in my room. Sometimes I make a dent in the project, many times, I get frustrated. Last Monday was especially frustrating because I realized that by the time I did my household chores, did my laundry, and dealt with other paperwork, I wouldn't have as my time to organize the piles in my room as I hoped.

I suppose it's much easier to accomplish the goal of organization when you are a choleric personality and strive to have everything in exact order. For those of us who are more free-spirited in our home organization, it's much more difficult to bring order to our space without getting suddenly distracted by a great magazine article on our desk that we have been wanting to read, or remembering a package that needs to be mailed at the post office.

But digging deeper, I know that my frustration with home organization is not just an aggravation with stray papers, but a reluctance to develop a more permanent state of organization in my room in the midst of my transient existence. In the past 8 years, (counting college years), I have moved 8 times. Because of my tendency to take my time to decide how to organize each room, and very thoughtfully and deliberately unpack my things, by the time I get my room fully unpacked, it's about time for me to pack up again. And inevitably, this means adding more odds and ends to my odds and ends box(es) that just seem to get more full with each move.

I truly admire my friends who have also moved frequently, and are able to establish a well-organized room within a few days. Knowing that even my current location is somewhat temporary, I am still reluctant to unpack every single box, in anticipation that before long, I will probably be moving again. But every time I face the challenge of organizing, I also face the desire putting down roots, and having more stability. As a young adult still discerning my permanent vocation and God's will for my life, geographical stability is not something that I have. So it is my challenge and prayer not only to organize my space to be well-ordered for the present moment, but to find my roots and stability in His heart. For us transient, nomadic singles, at this time in our lives, our lack of stability and roots is a unique cross. I have heard the quote before, "My home is in His heart." May this be our comfort and our prayer in our packing, unpacking, moving forward, and staying in place.