Singleness and the present moment

Yesterday I went to an excellent conference for single women, called "The Art of Being a Woman." It was a beautiful day, and I feel like I took away a lot of inspiration and motivation from the talks, witnesses, and prayer time. I am sure in the next few weeks I will be unpacking some of the topics that were discussed.

While the talks were geared towards women whose ultimate 'goal' was marriage, I appreciated the fact that the speakers also spoke of the importance of the vocation of the present moment. This was very heartening as well as thought-provoking.

One of the primary struggles of the single life, I think, is feeling like you are in a state where you are waiting for your 'permanant vocation' to finally come along. While it is good to be thinking in terms of a long term vision for your future, I think that viewing singleness as simply a "waiting" period is not entirely helpful. Furthermore, singleness is also described as a time of preparation. In particular, it is often portrayed as a time when hopeful wives-to-be can brush up on their cooking skills, pay off their debt, or work on personal growth areas that will enrich their future marriage. Obviously this is a legitimate and worthwhile perspective, particularly for those that are pretty convinced that their vocation is marriage. And obviously, it is worthy and good to embark on these goals for their own sake as well.

However, I think that the restlessness and discontent that comes with being single can often be exacerbated when one's current state in life is only viewed as a period of waiting, or a only viewed period of preparation for some more grand purpose. It robs us of the dignity of what we are doing in this very moment. What needs to be recognized and affirmed for singles is the value of the present moment. Certainly for everyone, married, single, religious, our experiences throughout life serve to prepare us for forthcoming events in God's providential plan. It's really neat and beautiful the way that works, and in this way, no matter what we are doing we can see it as a preparation for the future, or as part of waiting for life to unfold before us. But I think that we also can't overlook the fact that each gift God gifts us, each challenge He calls us to, and each opportunity for service as singles that He gives us has an inherent goodness and purpose in and of itself.

I'm pretty sure that if we live our lives as singles solely storing up treasures for the future, delicately trying to measure out our activities to fit the mold of what we envision our future to be, we will be setting ourselves up for greater impatience, and a greater tendency to neglect the tasks at hand.

It's encouraging and inspiring to me to remember that God has called me to this current state of singleness right now for His greater purpose. Right now, in this moment, He is giving me opportunities to love and to be loved; to serve and be served. There is something about my singleness right now that He is using to for the glory of His kingdom right now.

A life surrendered to God in the little details, letting His Spirit penetrate your heart and move in mysterious ways is not a life in limbo; a life looking for ways to serve others and to love the souls in your midst is not simply a holding pattern; a life in which you pick up the heavy crosses along your paths with courage and strength is not merely a waiting game. This, my friends, is living life to the full, living the vocation of the moment. We should not be ashamed that this is "all" we are doing. This is all we have to do.

Little dreamers

It's so easy as we seek to discern our vocations to get bogged with intellectual analysis of pros and cons. To get overwhelmed by "what ifs" "why nots" or "when then?" Even when making little life decisions, we often over analyze and over think. Not only that. We simply rely on being realistic and rational. We become skeptical and fearful that things will ever turn out the way we desire them to. We have lost our childhood dreams, our fresh optimism that used to warm our hearts and quicken our pace.

The other day I was listening to this delightful song by Priscilla Ahn, which always strikes a chord in me because of its sentimentality and honesty. It's best understood when you hear it with the music, but it goes like this...

I was a little girl
Alone in my little world
Who dreamed of a little home for me
I played pretend between the trees
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves
And laughed in my pretty bed of green

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest swing
I had a dream

flickr/ by Big C Harvey

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down at me
God answered in silent reverie
I said a prayer and fell asleep

I had a dream
That I could fly
From the highest tree
I had a dream

oooo....

Now I'm old and feeling gray
I don't know what's left to say
About this life I'm willing to leave
I lived it full, I lived it well
As many tales I live to tell
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
To fly from the highest wing
I had a dream

Anyways, as I listening to this song the other day, it brought back memories of my own childhood memories and dreams. Of playing house with my little sister, pretending we were all grown up with husbands and families. Of the optimism and faith that I envisioned my own journey would follow, in perfect timing and gracefulness, the succession from elementary school, to high school, to college, to marriage, to family, to grandmother and beyond. You have these naive little expectations in life when you are young, and you dream in grandiose visions. Of course you have all this opportunity ahead of you. Of course you have a beautiful world to explore.

It occurred to me when listening to this song, that amidst the chaos and complexities of life, I have lost touch with the true desires of my heart. I have lost much of the innocent, exuberant, audacious dreaming that is the hallmark of childhood. Imagination has been replaced with practicality and dealing with life's hard knocks. Perhaps, I thought to myself, discerning one's path in life is not simply achieved by lurching forward, trying to calculate every possible bend and bump in the road, but in reaching backward. In reclaiming the dreams your heart held in childhood, and rooting for those dreams anew. Perhaps those dreams will be more nuanced, more complex as they are woven into the inevitable path of our adult lives. But by their very nature they will give us that spark of joy and expectation to propel our resignation into hope.