Touching the hearts in our midst

"What powerful preaching there can be in simple contact with a soul! One single soul can change the whole moral atmosphere surrounding it by its solitary light."

~ Elisabeth Leseur

I recently finished reading the "Secret Diary of Elizabeth Leseur." This book is filled with the writings of Elisabeth, a devoted Catholic young woman living in upper-class Paris in the early 20th century. I had read several excerpts of Elisabeth's writings in the Magnificat magazine over the past several months, and these meditations really spoke to me. I think one of the main reasons was because Elisabeth was a lay woman, seeking to live the faith in profound ways in the midst of secular culture. Elisabeth was married to Felix Leseur, a french physician who, although raised Catholic, became an atheist and was extremely hostile towards the faith. Through her writings one can see the depths of faith that Elisabeth had, praying fervently for her husband's conversion, accepting suffering with patience and fortitude, (she suffered many severe ailments, and eventually succumbed to breast cancer in 1914) and striving to touch the souls around her with the love and light of Christ.

I was greatly inspired reading Elisabeth's diary. I particularly found her dedication to intellectual study and authentic culture and arts impressive. She understood the value of acquiring knowledge and wisdom in order that one might be able to more fully communicate truth, as well as the ability of the fine arts of the day to convey Beauty.

What most spoke to me though, was Elisabeth's total commitment to loving the souls placed in her path in her ordinary life. As a lay, married woman, Elisabeth was did not have the framework of a religious community, or even the benefit of a supportive husband in order to encourage her in this mission. She also remained childless, a cross which I imagine brought her great suffering insofar as she was unable to participate in the vocation of biological motherhood. And although she was involved in charitable work earlier in her life, when her illness set in, she had to resign herself to let the Lord use her suffering, rather than her action, to evangelize the culture. So the reader sees as they read her diary, the way that she come to accept her humble but vital purpose in life to reach out to those souls put in her path. In doing so, she offers an inspirational example to lay Catholics, particularly I think, lay professionals who wonder how it is that they can concretely serve God's people in the secular day-to-day.

Some of her thoughts which were particularly inspiring to me:

"Let us love. Let our souls and our lives be a perpetual song of love for God first of all and for all human beings who suffer, love, and mourn.

Let profound joy live in us. Let us be like the lark, enemy of the night, who always announces the dawn and awakens in each creature the love of light and life. Let us awaken souls."

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"Let us not linger in contemplation of the road ahead; let us follow the narrow path. Let us not look too far or too high, but right in front of ourselves, right next to ourselves. The good to be done is perhaps there."

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"Grace alone can bring about conversion; without it, we can do nothing for a soul. But can we not prepare the materials for grace? Can we not put into people's minds new ideas that, when touched by grace, may one day rise and live? It is humble work, demanding much patience and tact, and it must be performed without expecting any result but what is willed by God and known only to Him."

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"Those we encounter along our earthly path cast a distracted look in passing upon the outer wrappings of our being, and go their way, confident of knowing us sufficiently. Let us take care not to act in the same way toward the companions of our life. Even in a brief encounter, we can touch a soul, or, even more, achieve a profound insight into that which is hidden beneath appearances: a whole person, a whole life, of which others remain in perpetual ignorance."

Contemplative in the country (for a day)

This past Sunday afternoon through Monday evening I had the opportunity of spending some time with my friend Claire at the organic farm where she works in Owings, Maryland. The farm is called "The Lamb's Quarter", and they grow 4-5 acres worth of fresh, organic vegetables, as well as selling grass-fed meat and free-range eggs. The Lamb's Quarter is a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), and they also sell their food at the Farmer's Market in Old Town Alexandria on Saturday mornings.

Claire has worked at the farm for a few months now, and after hearing her intriguing tales about farm life (some of which can be read on her blog), I was excited to be able to experience "the farm life" first hand. As a "city girl", I had never done any farming before...and although I aspire to be a successful gardener, I really don't have much experience in that realm either. Our day was filled with a plethora of farm tasks though, so I got a varied introduction to a-day-in-the-life of a farmer.

Our activities included:
~ Harvesting green beans, yellow beans, and flat beans
~ Harvesting beautiful sunny pattypan squash and zucchini
~ Harvesting okra
~ Transferring about 25 boxes of frozen meat from the truck to the walk-in freezer
~ Potting and planting new squash seeds
~ Harvesting several different varieties of tomatoes; this was the largest crop of the day, yielding about 6 buckets full

In 90 degree + temperatures as the beating sun shone down with dense humidity, I can certainly say that farming is not a venture for the faint of heart. I was quite exhausted after just one day of it - I can't imagine the stamina and endurance necessary for completing farm tasks all year long. I definitely have a new found respect for farmers and farmhands - as well as a greater respect for the time, care, and energy that is put into local organic crops. It makes me think that spending the extra money for local organic products is worth every penny; it's not just buying food, but buying food produced through a labor of love.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the farm, and as I was helping to harvest some of the vegetables I was reflecting on the contemplative nature of this sort of task, versus my computer-centered city desk job.

It is true, that out in the country, under the wide open sky and in the midst of God's beautiful creation, the atmosphere is particularly conducive to meditation and prayer. The atmosphere there is so peaceful, so simple.

Some of my favorite moments on the farm were:

~ Noticing the quiet rustic surroundings; being able to hear more clearly the bird songs by day, and the crickets chirping in the evening.
~ Observing the amazing array of bugs that found a home amongst the plants and the soil. Some of them were quite intricate with their unique camouflage.
~ Tasting a sun-ripened black cherry tomato, straight off the vine
~ Looking out into the rolling meadows, seeing the long brush wave in the wind, and the butterflies flit through the fields.
~ Feeling the refreshing, gentle country breeze in the midst of the hot July sun.
~ Meeting the delightful and gracious family that owns and runs the farm.
~ After a long days work, taking a nap in one of the old barns, straw hat still atop my head (I'm not kidding), grateful for the shade and the soft breeze.

Yes, it was quite an enjoyable time. I certainly would like to go back again to get a little whiff of the country air, to see God's creation unfolding, like bean plants or zucchini blossoms, or little lady bugs on a leaf.

The meeting place of loneliness

Every season of life has its own particular crosses, each with their own weight, challenges, and suffering. The season in my life right now seems to be the season of loneliness. Its a phenomenon that I am sure many single young adults universally share. Without a spouse and children with whom to share the joys, trials, and adventures of life, it's easy to feel like an aimless drifter without a compass. As human persons we were made to give our lives as gifts for one another; the ultimate expression of this is through the Sacrament of Marriage and within the life of the family. As we were made to experience these bonds of love with one another, whether it be literally, through marriage and family life, or symbolically, through the vocations to the priesthood and religious life, it is understandable that in the absence of such a relationship, we experience a deep void and loneliness. To many of us singles who are trying to make our way in the world, discern God's will for our lives, and wait upon His perfect plan, this state of life can be a source of painful emptiness and confusion.

How do I find meaning and purpose in my life, in the here and now, as I live my life as a single Catholic? I do not have the vocation of serving a spouse and children, so how do I find fulfillment in my desire to live a life of self-gift and love?

These are questions that I ask myself each day. For as many of the beautiful opportunities of independence and flexibility that the single state of life offers, this very plethora of vaugue options can be bewildering in itself. Where do I find my purpose, where do I find my center?

And in my aching loneliness, my moments of discouragement and confusion, I have been coming back to that one brilliant truth. He is my rock. My home is His heart.

For those of us who are still wandering in the valley of singleness, it seems as though He is carving out our hearts in a special way; preparing new wineskins, so that His love might fill up our cups in abundance. It is as though He has taken us all to this special place, so that we have no choice but to say, "His grace is sufficient for me." It is loneliness which takes us to this place; this place where in His mysterious tenderness He beckons us to see His own wounds of loneliness and suffering, so that we might be more deeply fused into the fire of His love.

I suppose that on our best days, one might almost call it a privledge. He strips us of this human comfort and companionship that we so ardently desire, so that we have more space for Him to fill us, mold us, and strengthen us.

In contemplating the cross of loneliness in my life, I came upon this article written by Adam Cardinal Maida, an address to single Catholics. I found his words very encouraging and thought -provoking, particularly this paragraph:

"When we think about single life, it is helpful to remember that ultimately, every person — married or not — is alone in this world. Our heart and our soul have a certain quality of emptiness or incompleteness that no one can ever completely fill, for our true home is not here. We are pilgrims on a journey to another world. As Jesus taught, those in the single state remind us that, in the life to come, all our relationships will take on a new meaning and perspective; they will pale by comparison to the all-encompassing power of God’s unconditional love."

And so in this moment in time, (though we all hope it is simply a season of our life), these feelings of emptiness and incompleteness are very real. And this cross brings us to our knees, day in and day out. May we find comfort knowing that He is there waiting to meet us in our loneliness, waiting to fill our hearts with His presence. He is the Lover of our souls; may we seize these moments to let Him love us undistractedly.

Summertime joys

With the temperatures soaring well into the 100s, it's clear that summer is definitely here to stay. I feel like this year I have been able to especially enjoy the spirit of summertime, since for the first time in 6 years I haven't either been waitressing crazy night shifts or, like the previous two summers, studying or attending evening classes. Instead, I go to work, have free time in the evenings and have my weekend days off. With warm weather and daylight that stretches long into the evenings, it's been great to spend more time outside going on evening walks, getting some delicious frozen yogurt while strolling the city streets as the sun goes down, or playing frisbee with friends.

Since it's the first summer in a long while that I have been able to catch my breath so to speak, I find myself recalling more childhood summertime memories - probably because now it's a little easier for me to think of summer as a time for relaxation, rejuvenation and adventure. The way that summers used to be! I fondly recall childhood summers spent reading book after book, swimming in the neighborhood pool, catching lightening bugs after dark, having American Girl doll club meetings with my friends, sitting on the porch with my family on summer nights eating ice cream and sharing good conversation, going on trips to the beach with my family, going to summer camp and enjoying time spent in nature. The list could go on and on. Especially as a child, summer was such a beautiful, carefree time brimming with the promise of time off from school, and time spent having fun.

I feel like I have been blessed experience a little bit more of this summertime spirit this year. Although I don't have the means or vacation time to travel anywhere extravagant this summer, I enjoy even simply daydreaming of future trips or modest getaway ideas. Most of all I just appreciate being more free to enjoy the simple pleasures of the season, from fresh cherries, to early morning sunrises, to afternoons on the beach. And on that note, I am off now to curl up with a good book...because quite honestly, one of the best parts of summer for me is the chance to explore, read, and enjoy new books. Right now I am reading a Christian Historical fiction series by Francine Rivers, "Mark of the Lion" that is excellent. But I have many more books to get to, so off I go!

ALA Conference...the summit for Librarians

Over the past three days I attended my first American Library Association (ALA) Conference. What a massive production this annual conference is! ALA's website says that the average conference attendance is 25,000 participants. Phew! Pretty incredible! Basically, if you are anywhere in the vicinity of the Washington Convention Center, you will see parades of tote-bearing librarians, many adorned with buttons like "I love to read" or "Freedom to read", and other eclectic book related paraphernalia. We are a unique bunch, it is true, and there is something particularly unique about being at a conference with tens of thousands of other professional colleagues. Two of my librarian friends and I were commenting about the interesting dynamics that arise when you have this many people of the same profession all together in one place. You begin to recognize a certain commonality of mannerisms, ways of thinking, personal passions, and similar goals. We were talking about how amongst librarians, who are often more of the introverted, reflective, melancholic types, walk around the convention center more quietly, with a sense of interiority as they try to find the correct meeting room, and once in the session display a common sense of curiosity and love for learning. As my one of my librarian friends said, "When I would go to speech pathology conferences I never really felt like I fit in. But when I go to librarian conferences I just think, "I belong here!" It's true, in many senses I also felt as though I fit in. It's encouraging and invigorating to be amidst a worldwide crowd of colleagues, coming together with fundamental common visions and passions, sharing ideas and gaining inspiration to take back to your own specific library.

I attended the conference on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I was not thrilled to have to attend a work function on a Sunday, but was able to get to Mass on Saturday evening. I felt as though on Sunday, the Lord's Day, I was more conscious of the spiritual aspect of my professional life and place in the library realm. As you may or may not know, librarianship, although pinned as a very conservative, bun-donning, long skirt and blouse wearing bunch, has become quite a "liberal" profession, and the American Library Association in particular aggressively pushes agendas which I cannot condone. Over the past three years as I have been trained in this profession and then entered the workforce, I have learned that working as a librarian while maintaining my moral convictions is a continually evolving call and challenge. So many of the issues within librarianship, from issues of intellectual freedom to parental control to censorship and beyond are issues that must be wrestled with each time they are presented within their own specific context. While their are fundamental perspectives that a Catholic librarian can hold, it's not as simple as creating a black and white formula for dealing with these issues. Essentially they must be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, in a thoughtful, nuanced way. The very fact that these issues cannot necessarily answered with a blanket philosophy can be daunting. And yet it is the challenge of so many Catholic young professionals today. We have not been called to shrink away from the secular world, but to be the leaven within society. And if we have been called, we will be given the grace.

Ultimately, I felt very invigorated by the opportunity to be a part of this large professional gathering as a librarian dedicated to the pursuit of Beauty, Goodness, and Truth. Our profession has such an incredible potential to provide others with the opportunity and inspiration to seek Truth through knowledge. What an honor it is to be an instrument in that pursuit of Truth in whatever small ways it may be. We are all called to "renew all things in Christ" (Eph.1:10) and I am excited to strive to make this incorporate this call into my life.

Small enough

On my way to work this morning as I was reading my morning prayer, I was thinking about how I was not looking forward to beginning the boring drudgery of my job. Same old, same old. Rather monotonous, not exciting. I am sure that I have alluded to this before, but as someone with a strong melancholic disposition, I am spurred on by feeling as if I am working towards some great ideal, changing the world and making a difference. Doing something honorable and noble. When I don't feel a sense of passionate purpose for my work it's very difficult for me to maintain an enthusiastic attitude towards my duty. I am a visionary who likes to connect my task and experience of the moment with a sweeping vision of grandeur - the grandeur of seeking the Good, the True, and the Beautiful. The problem is, as deeply as I seek to connect the mundane with the holy in my daily life, I am often frustrated when I am unable to see how the tiny acts of faithfulness add up to a bigger, noble project of obedience.

I think that all of us who seek to do the work of the Lord would choose, if possible, to do the more glamorous work, such as being a missionary in a foreign country, or writing books that will change hearts. It struck me this morning, that so much of doing God's will in our lives is dependent on us letting ourselves be small enough. Small enough to accept that God knows in advance the good works He has prepared for us to do. Even if these are the most seemingly secular, straightforward, material tasks. This is His will for us, His way to lead us closer to Himself, His mysterious way of our sanctification. It's that little letting go, that obedience to do small things, that has the potential to bring forth great grace. The grace of the moment, though, is just oh so hidden. Especially when I think about how I just want to take a nap at 2pm, or how meaningless the task at hand seems. Grace...huh? Holiness? I'm just bored! The grace of the moment is waiting for us, in our selfless assent to complete the duty of the moment with love.

This morning in an effort to rouse myself to be more productive and faithful in my workday, I read some quotes on the website escrivaworks.org. I found out later that tomorrow is Saint Josemaria Escriva's feast day, so reflecting on his words was all the more fitting. This quote was particularly inspirational to me:

"When you started your ordinary work again, something like a groan of complaint escaped you: “It’s always the same!”

And I told you: “Yes, it’s always the same. But that ordinary job —which is the same one your fellow workers do — has to be a constant prayer for you. It has the same lovable words, but a different tune each day.”

It is very much our mission to transform the prose of this life into poetry, into heroic verse." - The Furrow, 500

In fulfilling our mundane daily duties, whether they be in the office, in the home, or in the school, we are charged with the challenge to transform all of these tasks into an act of love. It is by doing these tasks with love that we offer our efforts to Christ and our work is made holy. To be completely honest though, I must say that I don't really know what it means, on a practical level, to offer your tasks to the Lord as an act of love. There is still a bit of a disconnect for me. I suppose that it begins with a prayer, or a series of prayers throughout the duration of the tasks of the day in conscienously offering your work as a prayer. It means looking for the Lord in the midst of these tasks. I envision that above all, it is a disposition of the heart that one develops by assenting to the duties of the moment, especially the small ones. By giving our own fiat, moment by moment, we accept what the Lord has for us. And in this moment, we find His love burning there. I wish I could get there in one fell swoop. I wish this was a disposition that I could just acquire automatically. But I know that it's a process and a grace, learned along the journey.

St. Josemaria Escriva, pray for us!

Scenic detour

I wanted to share a photo here that I took while driving back to DC from Pittsburgh last weekend. I got off the exit for Frostburg, Maryland in hopes of finding a McDonalds to get an iced coffee. Although the highway sign advertised a McDonalds, I was not able to find it along the sprawling mountain road. I was, however, awestruck by the gorgeous view from the road. Never having gotten off at this exit before, I had no idea that if you traveled up the road to Frostburg you would be rewarded with a breathtaking view of the rolling mountains covered with a faint blanket of fog, and beneath you a mountain town nestled into the mountainside. The sun was beginning to set at this point, and so the rays of the sun beaming down through the fog onto the mountainside was magnificant. I decided that although I couldn't find a McDonalds, I certainly had to take a photo of this beautiful scene. So I pulled into the Walgreens parking lot overlooking the view, and pulled out my camera. I was grateful as I drove out of Frostburg onto the highway. No latte. But even better, I got to witness a glorious mountainside panorama I never would have experienced if I hadn't gotten off that exit. It was worth the detour for the unique glimpse of His magnificent, beautiful creation.