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Be Thou my Vision

Vision. We all want to have a glorious vision, a defined framework, and a honorable mission for our lives. We want some exuberant goal on which to set our sights. But we want it to be a clear cut way of life, outlined for us to take on a specific mission with passion. In a certain sense, as Catholics, we believe that a major part of this vision for our lives is our own personal vocation. Are we called to give ourselves fully to the Church, as a religious? Or to another person, our spouse, in marriage? Or to the world in His service as a consecrated lay person? There is a yearning in all of us to identify this vision for our lives, take this specific life-path that we were created for, and live out our vocation wholeheartedly.

Enter 20-something singleness. A state of life filled with yearning for that unique vision, longing to see it's fulfillement. But a time also wracked with soul-searching, confusion, and anxiety, trying to figure out just where it is that He wants me to go, who it is that He wants me to be. And did I mention, when will that moment of discovering my vocation finally come? This is a place I am very much at right now, just wanting to see how my sometimes isolated, work-a-day life right now fits into His greater plan for my joy. As a melancholic idealist, it is that sense of noble vision, deeper purpose, which impels me to drudge through the daily grind and monotonous tasks because I have an understanding that I am working towards a specific greater glory. But what about when I am seemingly visionless, and unsure of where He is leading me, what vocation or lifework He is calling me?

I remember a priest at Ave Maria giving a homily about trust. It really impacted me, because this was about 5 years ago, and I still go back to it continually. I remember him saying how we all want to be able to see the future, to see the big picture ahead of us so we can understand God's purposes and callings. And yet, he said, so often, it is like we are holding a pencil-sized flashlight in front our our feet, the only light to guide our way. This tiny light is all that we can see in front of us. And it is through accepting that we are only able to see that tiny, tiny, spec of light in front of us, that we learn radical faith and trust.

In the midst of my confusion and anxiety about my current state in life and inability to see where in the world God is leading me, He really spoke to my heart through a devotional passage. I have been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, and I came upon this meditation about "God's Purpose or Mine?"

"What is my vision of God's purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me."

"What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is alright because I see Him "walking on the sea (6:49)"

Peter Walks on Water, 1806 by Philipp Otto Runge

Reading this meditation brought me such comfort and conviction to the places in my heart that are heaviest right now. It's so hard not to have a clear vision of where I am headed or where He wants me to go. Not to have the framework of marriage, or religious life where I respond to the demands of love and receive the gifts of love within a particular states-of-life.

His word? For now, my vision must be wholly on Him. Watching Him walk on the water. Watching Him work the miracle of standing on the raging seas. I am called not to follow one specific life's vocation right now, but to set my eyes on Him, that He would "be thou my vision", totally, completely. And while I am looking at Him, He will move in me, and in my life.

As Oswald Chambers continues,

"God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it...God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now... If we realize that moment by moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

Librarian's Pick of the Month: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society

In conjunction with my previous posts about making lists of new books to read, I wanted to recommend an excellent book that I recently read. (Who knows, maybe this reader's advisory type blog entry could be a feature each month on CIC). This book, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Schaffer and Annie Barrows. A friend had recommended this book, and looking for some entertaining commuting fiction, I got a copy for myself. What a delightful book!



This story is woven together through a collection of letters, many of them written by the main character, Juliet Ashton. Set in 1946, it follows the correspondence of Juliet, a single, 30-something year old author, looking for a new writing project. When Dawsey Adams, a Guernsey farmer, (Guernsey is a one of the Channel Islands) finds Juliet's name and address in a used book, he sends her a letter to tell her how much he is enjoying her old book. Fascinated by the stranger's letter, Juliet writes Dawsey back, and as their correspondence continues, Juliet learns about the charming island of Guernsey and the stories it's residents during the German occupation. Juliet is especially curious to learn about the "Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society", a literary group of Guernsey residents started by accident, which becomes a great source of community and culture for the Guernsey people during World War II. Deciding that this unique society would make an excellent story for a new novel, Juliet begins to correspond with other Guernsey folk about their experiences during the war. The themes of hope, heroism, and hardship that the Guernsey people share with Juliet are inspirational and heartwarming.

While this book does not have a central plot, the authors have created such vivid, entertaining characters that the reader feels as if he really gets to know them; their idiosyncratic personalities make them all the more lovable, and Juliet's wit in particular kept me turning the pages. It really is a delightful book filled with captivating vignettes, and charming characters who are sure to make you smile. I would say, it's a must-read!

Making lists

I remember when my older brother first started college and I was a junior in high school. During one of his breaks, maybe Christmas or summer break, he was telling us about these extracurricular goals that some of his friends had. I don't remember particulars; perhaps it was a list of books they wanted to read, or new skills that they wanted to learn. In any case, I rolled my eyes and said, completely baffled, "You college students. Why do you always have to have all these random goals?" In my mind, I thought that when on break, you should just take a break.

I will say that as a college student, I definitely did just that. When I wasn't waitressing and earning money for school, I was definitely apt to "take a break" versus embark on some other educational or personal goal. Yet, now that I am done with my undergraduate education as well as my graduate education (at least for now), I have found myself eager to fill the void of having specific course projects and following course syllabi with goals for me own personal edification, in the form of lists.

I didn't set out to create these lists on purpose, per se. They just kind of happened as songs came on the radio that I wanted to remember, or books that I found out about on a blog. My two main lists right now are of songs that I enjoy (and want to download or eventually see performed live) and books that I want to read. I am most excited about my additions to my music list of classical pieces. While working, I often listen to the local classic station, WETA. It's exciting to listen to selections and hear pieces that I really enjoy the sound, style, complexity, and performance of.
Growing up, perhaps in my musical naivety, I often thought that pretty much all classical music sounded the same. It's neat to be able to recognize the different musical styles and complexities within a given classical piece and satisfying to begin to better appreciate the uniqueness of each composer. A goal related to this list? Being able to recognize more classical pieces, as gain a deeper understanding of the styles of specific composers. One of my favorite latest discoveries is the piece, "Pictures at an Exhibition" by Moddest Mussorgsky. I'm pretty sure that it's a famous piece, but I was excited to match a title and composer with a piece.

So I will continue to add to my lists because it's exciting to be able to expand my repertoire of culture, whether through music, books, or other art forms, and making lists helps me to keep track of new things I have discovered, and new things that I want to explore. Call it a lifelong learning approach. As a librarian, that's what we're all about, so personally endorse it I do!

For the beauty of the earth

"For the beauty of the earth,
for the glory of the skies,
for the love which from our birth
over and around us lies;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our hymn of grateful praise."


Some photos from yesterday's excursion to Brookside Gardens.
An afternoon spent enjoying the loveliness of His creation.

Run so as to win

I ran 10 miles this Sunday morning. 10 miles. The occasion? The Cherry Blossom 10-miler race in Washington, D.C. It was my third and longest race, following two 10k races in which I participated over the past year. A year and a half ago, I would have laughed in your face if someone would have asked if I would ever consider running races. Let alone long distance races like 10 miles. I'm sure I would have thought that I would never be able to run a race that far, let alone enjoy or be interested in running races in general. But life brings new adventures, the kind that we least expect, and suddenly we find ourselves becoming passionate about things that at one point never would have crossed our radar -- reaching for goals that we never would have dreamed of having.

My running shoes...with the exciting race time chip attached!

I am not an athlete, I never have been one. I played volleyball in middle school and high school, but that was about the extent of my athletic participation. I enjoyed it a lot, but other than volleyball, I never had much of a pension for being athletic for the sake of being athletic, or working out for the sake of working out. Anything that involved physical activity beyond the realm of taking leisurely walks and hiking sounded so boring to me. So how did I start to love running, and participating in these racing events?

It's funny how God works, because at some moments His grace is more elusive, threading through the aspects of your life with veiled mystery, and other times, working so tangibly in an answer to your prayer of that very moment. My introduction to running was an example of the latter. I was preparing to move in with a house of 4 other girls last year, only one of whom I had known beforehand. In a conversation with my sister about my desire to achieve a more disciplined exercise regimen, I remember saying, "Hopefully one of my new housemates is really into working out. It's always more motivational when you live with someone who is really committed to and excited about that." I found out the day I moved in my new house that one of my new housemates fit that bill exactly: she was a marathon runner who was very enthused about running, working out, and being healthy in one of the most holistic ways that I have encountered. As a woman living in our modern culture, it is so difficult to sort through the messages of health, beauty, diet, and exercise that we are given. It's difficult to view our physical health and fitness in the authentic way that Our Maker calls us to. It's easy to be swayed by the message of the world which says that we are only as good as our blemish-free appearance; but also to fall prey to discouragement that we can never attain that supermodel ideal, so why bother.

Anyways, my housemate continually inspired me by her commitment to working out and being healthy that it is so important to nurture our bodies and care for them in the way that God intended because we are temples of the Holy Spirit. By participating in a consistent exercise routine, we help our WHOLE person to flourish -- body, mind, and spirit.

So my housemate would get up early in the morning for her daily runs, and set aside large chunks of time each weekend for her long distance runs. I was very impressed, but honestly thought "Hey, good for her." When she asked if we wanted to come to one of her races that fall, the Marine Corp Marathon, the rest of my housemates and I agreed to come cheer her on. I remember her saying something about how fun it is to see the race culture and be a part of the event, but I wasn't really expecting much. Little did I know, I would get drawn in.

It was a sunny October day, and I just remember how impressed I was watching the people in the race run to the finish line. Almost all of them had smiles on their faces after they finished. They were expressions of triumph, accomplishment, joy, and satisfaction. I didn't know what roadblocks and setbacks each of them faced in their daily training, but it was clear that the finishers were filled with a deep sense of accomplishment at reaching their goal. It was a joy that was infectious. Sure, some of it was the natural endorphin-fueled runner's high, but even more than that it was a deep seated experience of triumph within the human heart. My housemate was right. The experience of seeing the elated runners that day left a great impression on me. As us girls were leaving the race grounds, my housemate was telling us how we should try and run a race (an idea that she proposed many times in the future as well) because it was such a neat experience. There was something in me that was warming up to the idea, thinking "maybe so." Two months late, my New Years Resolution? Signing up for a 10k race. And the rest was history.

The power of the Resurrection

"He is not here; he has risen, just as he said." ~ Matthew 28:6

Alleluia! Christ is Risen! Although it has been a quiet and contemplative Easter for me since I was unable to go home and spend the holiday with my family, my celebration of the triduum has been rich with His grace. I was able to attend a beautiful Easter Vigil Mass at the Dominican House of Studies last night. We all processed out into the cloister courtyard before Mass began, and stood waiting in silent anticipation with the dark night sky above us and the cool spring air surrounding us. The friars and brothers (probably about 30 of them) were dressed in their white cassocks and black Lenten capes. With the strike on two tiny matches, one of the friars lit the Easter fire, and it was soon ablaze. The light of His triumph was kindled. After the prayers outside, we all processed through the cloister halls, back into the Church, as the priest sang "Christ Our Light," and we answered in chant, "Thanks be to God."

The liturgy proceeded as we listened to all seven readings in the dark Church. After the final Old Testament reading, the resounding Gloria began, with a triumphant organ prelude, bells, and joyous song. Christ, Our Lord, has risen!

Throughout last night's Vigil Mass and especially at the Easter Sunday Mass this morning, I have been reflecting a lot on the Resurrection, and what it means for my life. I have to say that for me, and maybe for all Christians it is often a temptation to take the Resurrection for granted. We know the story, we know the course of events. We know that it is the foundational event for our faith, but it is so easy to think of Christ's Resurrection as simply an abstract event, long ago in history.

In the priest's homily this morning, he encouraged the congregation to realize that Christ's Resurrection was not just simply an event that happened 2000 years ago; Christ's Resurrection continues to touch our lives today. And so I began to reflect. What does Christ's Resurrection mean in my life, today, right now? Why should it be important to me? Was it just some far off, miraculous event that we commemorate each year and profess in faith?

No. It is infinitely meaningful for my life, and in your life. Because Christ wants to shatter the darkness in each and everyone's lives. He came to free us from the bounds of sin and death. Christ wants to bring resurrection to our lives, in a thousand different ways. He wants to bring Resurrection to all of the hurting, broken parts of our hearts; to bring Resurrection to the fears that bind us; to bring Resurrection when we fall down; to bring resurrection to the sins that hold us captive; to bring resurrection to our boredom, our frustrations, our discouragement, our lack of faith. We only have to invite Him to come into those places, those situations, and those struggles, and He is ready to bring resurrection to every corner and crevice of our life.

He lives, Alleluia! May the light of His Resurrection bring abundant joy and peace to our hearts, for "In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." ~ John 1:4-5