Find me here

Dear readers,

I have made it safely to Nashville, and have just completed a successful first week at the new job! Phew!

I have decided to transition from my Contemplative in the City blog to a different blog from now on. I wanted to maintain the integrity of Contemplative in the City for what it is, chronicling my life in Washington, D.C.

Please follow my musings and adventures now at my blog, titled Intimations of Grace: intimationsofgrace.blogspot.com

I am excited to begin a new chapter of life, and of blogging, and I hope you'll join me!

Onward to Nashville!

I head out bright and early tomorrow to Nashville. For the next couple weeks I will be blogging rather sporadically since I won't have accessible home internet service. Please keep me in your prayers as I begin this new chapter of my life. Thanks for sharing in my journey as a "Contemplative in the City" in Washington, D.C. See you in Nashville!

Words for today

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I will lead the blind on their journey ; by paths unknown I will guide them.
I will turn darkness into light before them, and make crooked ways straight.
These things I will do for them, and I will not forsake them."

~ Isaiah 42:16
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be not afraid

I am afraid.

Two days, and I am moving 700 miles away.

I am afraid of moving to a strange place. I am afraid of being so far away from my family. I am afraid because I am leaving dear friends. I am afraid because this next step means embarking into the unknown alone. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being lonely. I am afraid of the challenge of making new friends. I am afraid of what people will think of me, the new girl. I am afraid of the task of starting a new job.

Each time I have been about move on to something completely new in my life, I have been some combination of terrified, anticipatory, and uncertain all at the same time. It all adds up to a giant pit in my stomach. Right now, these feelings of fear and uncertainty consume me.

"Be not afraid. Open wide the doors to Christ."

I am clinging to these words of John Paul II - may they be my strength as I follow the Lord to where He has called me.

My favorite Washington D.C. city church -- St. Patrick's in Chinatown

Flickr/by taygete05

One of my favorite places in downtown D.C. has been St. Patrick's Cathedral, near the Penn Quarter/Chinatown area of the city. I love the architecture of the church, and the simple, peaceful interior, with it's soft white walls and saint icons above the altar. I always felt such a sense of serenity inside of this church -- the serenity of God's presence in the midst of the hustling, bustling city.

Fortunately, St. Patrick's Church was sort of on the way to work for me, so when I mustered up enough energy to make the early morning trek via bus and metro, I could attend Mass there before work. It was such a special morning ritual on the days I went to Mass there. I loved arriving at the church while it was still the blue dawn outside...much of the city still seemed to be asleep. Inside the walls of St. Patrick's I felt a unique ability to meditate on the scriptures in light of my upcoming work day. It was rejuvenating and encouraging to see the other downtown D.C. professionals that were regular Mass goers at St. Patrick's as well -- all coming to the fountain of grace to be spiritually fed before they embarked on their daily responsibilities.

After Mass ended, I loved opening the heavy wooden doors that immediately plop you out into the busy city blocks. Now, just 35 minutes later, the sun would be shining, the sidewalks crowded with people heading to work. I had received the Risen Lord, and now it was my unique task to talk Him into the world, in subtle and genuine ways, even just through a simple smile. I had faith that after receiving Him in the Eucharist, He would give me the opportunity to spread His light among; all of us who received the Eucharist during the work day, whether in the early morning, at noon-time, or during the after work commute, were walking tabernacles of His presence. What an honor and a gift.

Like many city churches, St. Patrick's is sandwiched between office buildings and whizzing traffic. Perhaps that's what I have loved most about St. Patricks. The way it is both an oasis of God's peace where one can take time away from the world; but at the same time, it is a witness to God's presence through which believers gain strength to bring God's love into the world.

Exactly where you are supposed to be

I wish I would have read this a long time ago...it describes everything that I sought to encompass in my Contemplative in the City life. An affirmation of the dignity and purpose of your unique work, exactly where you are:


"He [the worker] can comfort himself by the certainty that, if there is no sin in it, the work he must do is the work of God wants him to do, if not for ever, at least for today. If he is in this particular workroom or office it is because here it is that Christ wishes to be today. If he is among these particular people it is because to these particular people that Christ wants to give his love today. If he has this particular work to do, it is because Christ wants that particular work done in his way. Because these facts are true, it is a more glorious and a more apostolic thing for that boy to do that job, in the name and the power of Christ, than (imagining this to be possible) to convert the whole of Asia in his own name and power. To do the ordinary work of the world with Christ's integrity is to be about the Father's business." ~ Caryll Houselander


Happy workday, friends. Work in the confidence that you are doing His work, exactly where you are.

Letting Love in

From Kelly Foster's gripping post on the Good Letters blog:

"There is nothing more difficult, there is nothing more risky in the whole of the world, than to believe in your bones that you are loved [by God]. To shoulder the weight of that is too much for most of us, and so we don’t. We evade. We duck and cover. We settle. We run and hide.

But I don’t want to do that anymore. And I am trying to learn how to open myself just a fraction to a kind of love—a love that transcends circumstance or condition—that I know has the power to demolish me.

There is an oft-quoted line of Blake’s that I’ve kept with me for years, “We are here to learn to endure the beams of love.”

And so enduring, the ground then shifts beneath us. For a second, the glory in those around us is revealed, the fire in our hearts becomes too much to bear, the beauty of the world is a drum that beats too loud. And staggered but humbled, we keep going. We pray to know Love Loving. And pray never to forget it again."

God pulls through just in time

Well, my friends, I am thrilled to report that I have found and purchased a wonderful car. It's a 2005 Honda Civic, with all of the features that I wanted to find in a car, in excellent condition, and at a reasonable price. I am very excited, my first car ever! God is good, very good. The salesmen at this dealership were very helpful, pleasant to work with, and very accommodating in helping me navigate through the complicated process of buying a car in Virginia in the midst of moving to Tennessee. What a relief!

God's timing was a little too slow for me, but it was His perfect timing and He has got me covered. Because I went to the dealership when I did, and they had had the car for a little while, the salesmen were looking to make a sale and very open to price negotiation which was such a blessing. This might not have been the case had I discovered this car a few weeks ago.

Every time that I need to trust God will provide for my needs, every time when He is stretching my trust, I have to remember that "those who trust the Lord will not lack any good thing" ~ Psalm 34:10. Because it is true that He takes care of His children, and covers us with His providential care. I need to remember that the Lord has been abundantly faithful in providing everything from housing to transportation to friendships in the past and that He will continue to provide every good thing for me as I journey into the unknown.

If you are in the midst of a trial that is testing your patience and perseverance, remember the faithfulness of the Lord; even if it is through gritted teeth, press forward and know that it will come together in His time. Over and over again, though the process is often wearisome and discouraging, the Lord has proven that He will deliver on His promises, solve our quandaries, and provide for our needs. It will not come a minute too soon, nor a minute too late:

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay. "
~ Habakkuk 2:3

Thank you Jesus.

"

Surrender is hard work

We've all heard countless times that the key to our peace in any situation, large or small is that we surrender our will to God's will. We have to trust in His providence, and abandon ourselves to His providence and He will take care of the rest.

For the weary, exhausted person tired of dealing with the challenge at hand, the idea of surrender is quite appealing. When I finally reach the point of letting go of a particular trial in my life, I think that in the back of my mind, I am expecting that now that I have decided to surrender, the hard work on my part is over. God will just take care of everything. I'm off the hook.

Unfortunately though, this is not usually the case. Surrender does not mean that we will immediately be freed from the grunt work and our problems will be miraculously solved.

This hit me hard today as I continued on my car search. I spent six hours this afternoon (my brother kindly lent me his car to drive around to various dealerships) trying to find my way to unfamiliar places in the pouring rain, getting lost, having my phone battery die on me while I was trying to get directions, dealing with the tiresome antics of car salesmen, and the list goes on. I found myself thinking, "Really God! I have surrendered this to you! Why does it continue to be this hard?"

Then I realized that sometimes it's even harder to trudge through the grunt work after you have intentionally surrendered to God, because you expect Him to take all of the grunt work out of your way, pronto. But really, surrender is more of a disposition of the heart; an ability to climb the mountains in front of you with renewed faith. God might not move the mountain in front of you, but He will give you the extra grace to get over the mountain. Or maybe He'll give you a shortcut. But He won't necessarily bail you out in the way you imagine He should.

"Our peace...does not mean that we shall longer longer fight. Temptation will still be temptation, suffering will still be suffering, the world will still be the world...but the world will not destroy us.  The peace of Christ is Christ. There is no other. 'I have said this to you that in me you may find peace. In the world you will only find tribulation, but take courage. I have overcome the world.' How often in Christ we see peace and tribulation together...The risen Christ shows his wounds and bestows his peace in one gesture of love. " ~ Caryll Houselander

There is a saying, "Work as if 90 percent of what happens depends on you and 10 percent depends on God. Prays as if 90 percent depends on God and 10 percent depends on you."

Feet on the ground, eyes to heaven, Lord, give me your grace.

The end of an era

flickr/by Sapphireblue

The Willard Hotel, on Pennsylvania and 14th Street.

I often walk down this block on my commute to work, and this is one of my

favorite architectural structures in Washington, D.C.

 It was with a bittersweet heart yesterday that I marked the last day working in downtown Washington, D.C. For as many challenges I have had in my job, and I many things that frustrated me about working amidst the hustle and bustle of the city, it really was a special, grace-filled 13 months for me.

Plopping my contemplative heart in the middle of a loud, chaotic, secular work-a-day world was quite a stretch for me. Not to mention working in our Nation's capital with it's unique busyness and goings-on. But the ways in which God spoke to me, penetrating the concrete buildings, busy city sidewalks, roaring traffic and the seemingly endless hours of data-entry was such an experience of spiritual growth for me.

"Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon him while he is near." - Isaiah 55:6

Having spent the last six years in Catholic colleges I was used to being able to seek the Lord in distinctly sacred settings, namely Churches and chapels and religious talks. Yet this past year I discovered the unique and exciting challenge of seeking the Lord in the secular day-to-day sphere. And you know what I learned? The more secular the place, the more powerful the manifestation of His presence becomes. When you seek God inside a church, you have a greater expectation of His response. But when you seek Him in what seem like unlikely places, His presence is all the more amazing. You begin to not just experience God's presence simply confined to a church, or in your 10 minutes of prayer time, but walking with you step-by-step, each street you cross, each smile you encounter, each tender word you hear, enveloping you with His spirit.

What a gift it has been to seek a contemplative spirit in the city. I pray for others who continue to be His hands and feet in the most urban, unlikely places - that He would transform them and guide them. And I pray that as I segway into this next chapter of my life (I head to Nashville next Friday), God will reveal to me the new ways in which I shall seek His face.

Saints Hall of Fame

Happy All Saints Day!

What beautiful examples we have in the Saints to spur us onward in our earthly journey. The beautiful thing about the saints is that their struggles, joys, experiences, and teachings can touch our hearts in a very personal way. We can always find a saint to identify with during something in our life that we are going through; their holy wisdom, lived out in very concrete ways gives us such inspiration in this valley of tears. The Church triumphant prays for all of us pilgrims striving towards our heavenly goal.

Which saints make your hall of fame?

Some of my favorites are the following. Most of these saints I have developed a devotion to through their spiritual writings, which have really resonated with me.
 
St. Therese of Lisieux
St. Edith Stein
St. John of the Cross
St. Bernard of Clairvaux
St. Elizabeth Ann Seton
St. Alphonsis Ligouri
St. Elizabeth Lesuer
St. Gianna Molla
St. Joseph
St. Zita

All you holy men and women pray for us!

The call to spiritual motherhood

For all you single ladies out there, longing for a vocation to motherhood to begin, or all of you married women who are unable to conceive a child, take heart in this beautiful meditation from Caryll Houselander. Whether God has asked this special sacrifice of yours for a little while or has asked you to bear this lifelong cross of barrenness, may you find inspiration to the noble calling you have received ~

"For some, marriage is a vocation; it is a superb vocation, on it depends not merely our race going on, but the Christian life going on in the world. But there are others who have the vocation to be spiritual mothers. Sometimes they are married women too and learn this spiritual motherhood from their own children, but sometimes they are unmarried, either from choice or circumstance. I say 'circumstance' because it is a cruel mistake to suppose that if a woman would honestly like to marry but circumstances make it impossible, that she is merely frustrated and should devote her life to toy dogs, bazaars and acidity.

Circumstance is the one reliable test of God's will for us, and a clearer indication than any 'attraction' we might feel.

For the woman, then, who does not marry, is motherhood a vocation? It most certainly is, and God forbid that anyone should read into those words condoning of that fussy, grasping interfering attitude that passes so often for 'spiritual motherhood'. The essential thing is this, that the mother instinct, the capacity for love, be awake, alive.

This means suffering. It is easier in the long run to dry up the life in us than to develop and direct it. The woman who will be truly a spiritual mother will feel in herself, in her body and in her soul all the desire and necessity for a child of her own.

In this very passionate longing, in this aliveness of love her purity will consist. Indeed it is the essence of virginity, for we do not lay dead ash on the altar of sacrifice but burning fire. The same intense aliveness gives her a constant suffering. All maternity involves pain and sacrifice, spiritual motherhood as much as any other.

Then again she has to think this, that it is for the sake of the spiritually motherless children that God asks her to suffer this lifelong depth of feeling, which so far as her personal gratification is concerned will always be unsatisfied. He wants her to be hungry and thirsty all her life. This is achieved only by the development of her nature and complete abandonment to his will.

For whom is this hunger and thirst? For whom does God ask women to develop their human nature to its full warmth and tenderness and to sacrifice it? For the child Christ.

The child Christ lives in many souls, disregarded, unfostered, unhelped. It is not only in the sinner that he needs a mother, but in timid and ignorant sould, in while where innocent life is suffocated by worldliness, in souls surrounded by subtle temptations to so compromise with faith and holiness that were there no mother to help and counsel and make strong, his life could never be more than a sickly colourless flower growing in a dark cellar."

~ Caryll Houselander
in the essay "Mother of the Unseen Christ"
found in the book "Lift up your hearts".

The great car search

Well, for every bit easy as my job opportunity in Nashville came about, the preparations leading up to moving have been every bit as hard. I guess I naively expected that because everything flowed so easily with the job offer aspect, everything else should follow suite. Not so. Saying 'yes' to God's call is just the first step, it's just getting the ball rolling. Once the rubber hits the road it's a whole different story.

I've never owned a car, but I absolutely need to get one for Nashville, since I am pretty sure that public transportation is not as prevalent as in D.C. My brother and I have visited 7 car dealerships over the past few weeks, trying to find a reliable, quality car in my budget with no avail. Nothing in my price range seems to be satisfactory, and dealing with the smooth-talking, game-playing salesmen day after day has proven very trying. The other day I left the car dealership we went to nearly in tears, so frustrated that the car search that has dragged out for weeks (and months, really, because I started looking for a car before I even had Nashville on my radar) with no success.

The feeling seemed strangely familiar though. I felt dejected, discouraged, and weary. Then I remembered that this was the exact same feeling I had when I was in the midst of my job search a few weeks before I submitted my application to the Nashville position. And yet, within a short time after this deep discouragement set in, I quickly received a job offer for just the sort of job I'd been looking for.

It's that God's timing thing. He asks us to preserve so we might grow in faith and mature in trust. Just when we think we're smooth sailing, He asks for more surrender. So I am trying to remember that my heavenly Father knows all that I need. He knows how many hairs are on my head, and what car I need. I will try to "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 24:14) I will try to remember that everything will ultimately fall into place in His perfect time, even as I fight restless impatience as I wait.

In the meantime, no thank you, Mr. Car Salesman, I do not need a car with a blue tooth device, or fancy features.

And if you want any facts about the reliability of used compact cars, just let me know. I pretty much have the consumer reports memorized.

God's prism

Change certainly provides a unique opportunity to look at your life in a different light. It's a bittersweet thing, because in preparing to move on to the next step, you are able to to appreciate more deeply all of the blessings that you have been given in this time; yet it also means moving from your current blessings to new blessings, and saying farewell to dear friends and people who have made a beautiful impact in your life in a day-to-day basis.

In thinking about my three years in Washington, D.C. and the wonderful friends I have made, colorful acquaintances I have developed, and the sweet co-workers that I have learned so much from, it struck me how God has used so many people here to speak His love to me. And I see how in each of these people God has touched me in myriads of ways. No two people have manifested God to me in the same way. Rather, each with their own charism, they have shown me the face of Christ, whether implicit or explicit; whether they were Catholic, Protestant, or atheist.


I am awed by the way God speaks to us through one another, answering our prayers through the Body of Christ. I am so thankful for all of these people; the ones who encourage; the ones who challenge; the ones who entertain; the ones who console; the ones who serve; the ones who inspire; the ones who beckon; the ones who affirm; the ones who witness.

Hans Urs Von Balthasar talks about how "The Old Testament spoke in similar terms of God's wisdom permeating the whole of his creation; it was always the same, unique wisdom, belonging to God alone, which is multiplied, as it were, through the multiplicity of creatures, and - as Paul says - is split into many colors."

flickr/by *paylamaginaire*

It makes me think of how the Body of Christ, the Church, is like God's light shining through a prism, manifested to us in the thousands of colors of those around us. How beautiful and rich our lives are because of the way each individual person casts his or her unique hue. And even more beautiful still is the way that God orchestrates these rays in perfect time, that their we encounter the words or actions of specific people who speak to our hearts in times of difficulty, in response to a new calling, or in answer to a prayer.

Von Balthasar speaks to the unique way which God's people witness His love to one another:

"But each one, being absorbed by his task, which is one part, one charism,
within the Church's great mission in the world,
acquires his distinctive and personal face...
For God is always the Unique One, and all he gives his creature bear this stamp:
it manifests and embodies his uniqueness."

Let your light, your own light, shine bright. There is no telling how God will use it to create a dazzling display of light to others.

Solitude and loneliness

Over the past several months, I have been praying, reflecting, and reading a lot on the cross of loneliness and the fruit of solitude. I feel like it's been a very eye-opening journey, as I seek to see my own moments of loneliness as an opportunity to enter more deeply into communion with Christ, and to allow Christ to transform loneliness into holy, fruitful, creative solitude. Ever so slowly, I am beginning to better understand the concept of solitude; how through a spirit of solitude, the Lord creates a peace-filled space in our hearts where He can come and dwell. When we embrace a spirit of solitude we open ourselves up to the work of Christ, and become more free to give ourselves in service of others.

Today I read a beautiful reflection related to this in the Magnificat (although this reflection is from Tuesday, October 5th). I wanted to highlight some of this here.

"For it is, on the whole, just the saints who do desire solitude; the sinners are far too lonely to find a desert at all suitable or even tolerable. Notice who those are that spend most of their time rushing from one distraction to another; they are those who have felt the torment of loneliness so fiercely that they cannot endure to be by themselves. So lonely are they that they spend all their time feverishly pursuing one pleasure after another or one work after another...

Pleasure is heaped up in crowded hours to make them forget the aching void of their hearts. Indeed, it is their greatest punishment that they finally succeed, until they lose at last all perception of their pain, whereas the saints are so full in themselves of love that they must draw off alone to be away from all others; so accompanied are they by the dear presence of their Friend...Thus sat Mary at the feet of Jesus, while Martha, busied over many things that were unnecessary, hurried to and fro, sometimes in his presence and sometimes out of it. This does not mean that we can show our love only by retiring out of the world to the cloister; but it does imply that only those can stand the loneliness of life who have their hearts aflame with the love of another."

~ Father Bede Jarrett, O.P.

A Contemplative in the City...for 25 more days and counting

So, if I end up moving when I am planning to, I will be leaving Washington D.C. in just 25 days. Wow. Some friends and relatives who used to live in D.C. have told me that I need to make sure that I take advantage of all that the city offers...because when you live here often times you start to take for granted all of the cultural opportunities that surround you.

I think that I have at least tried to take advantage of many cultural activities here in our nation's capital, but as I realize how quickly I will be leaving town, I begin to think of the myriad of things that I have wanted to do while living here, but never have gotten around to doing. Funny how drastically your perspective changes when you are preparing to life a place or a certain stage in life. There are dozens of museums, restaurants, and parks that I still haven't made it to. While I would love to think that I could at least hit up a few of these attractions, the fact of the matter is that my time will be quite limited as I prepare to move. Perhaps though, I can fit in an excursion or two as I take a break from packing or planning.

In any case, I anticipate that my blog will take on both a nostalgic tone as I reflect even deeper on my experiences here in D.C., as well an eager anticipatory tone as I look toward my ensuing adventure.

And what will become of my blog after I move? Somehow, "Contemplative in the City" won't fit quite so well. "Contemplative in Music City"? maybe so...but perhaps it will take on a much different flair all together. Stay tuned.

Singleness and the present moment

Yesterday I went to an excellent conference for single women, called "The Art of Being a Woman." It was a beautiful day, and I feel like I took away a lot of inspiration and motivation from the talks, witnesses, and prayer time. I am sure in the next few weeks I will be unpacking some of the topics that were discussed.

While the talks were geared towards women whose ultimate 'goal' was marriage, I appreciated the fact that the speakers also spoke of the importance of the vocation of the present moment. This was very heartening as well as thought-provoking.

One of the primary struggles of the single life, I think, is feeling like you are in a state where you are waiting for your 'permanant vocation' to finally come along. While it is good to be thinking in terms of a long term vision for your future, I think that viewing singleness as simply a "waiting" period is not entirely helpful. Furthermore, singleness is also described as a time of preparation. In particular, it is often portrayed as a time when hopeful wives-to-be can brush up on their cooking skills, pay off their debt, or work on personal growth areas that will enrich their future marriage. Obviously this is a legitimate and worthwhile perspective, particularly for those that are pretty convinced that their vocation is marriage. And obviously, it is worthy and good to embark on these goals for their own sake as well.

However, I think that the restlessness and discontent that comes with being single can often be exacerbated when one's current state in life is only viewed as a period of waiting, or a only viewed period of preparation for some more grand purpose. It robs us of the dignity of what we are doing in this very moment. What needs to be recognized and affirmed for singles is the value of the present moment. Certainly for everyone, married, single, religious, our experiences throughout life serve to prepare us for forthcoming events in God's providential plan. It's really neat and beautiful the way that works, and in this way, no matter what we are doing we can see it as a preparation for the future, or as part of waiting for life to unfold before us. But I think that we also can't overlook the fact that each gift God gifts us, each challenge He calls us to, and each opportunity for service as singles that He gives us has an inherent goodness and purpose in and of itself.

I'm pretty sure that if we live our lives as singles solely storing up treasures for the future, delicately trying to measure out our activities to fit the mold of what we envision our future to be, we will be setting ourselves up for greater impatience, and a greater tendency to neglect the tasks at hand.

It's encouraging and inspiring to me to remember that God has called me to this current state of singleness right now for His greater purpose. Right now, in this moment, He is giving me opportunities to love and to be loved; to serve and be served. There is something about my singleness right now that He is using to for the glory of His kingdom right now.

A life surrendered to God in the little details, letting His Spirit penetrate your heart and move in mysterious ways is not a life in limbo; a life looking for ways to serve others and to love the souls in your midst is not simply a holding pattern; a life in which you pick up the heavy crosses along your paths with courage and strength is not merely a waiting game. This, my friends, is living life to the full, living the vocation of the moment. We should not be ashamed that this is "all" we are doing. This is all we have to do.

New directions

View from the Nashville Airport

Well, it's official. I have accepted the academic librarian position in Nashville! I am thrilled, excited, nervous and overwhelmed all at the same time.

It was crazy how quickly everything happened, and how quickly the opportunity was presented to me. In some respect, it was definitely a difficult decision, because it entails picking up and leaving the life I have become accustomed to, leaving family and friends here in D.C. that I hold dear, and moving further away from my immediate family in Pittsburgh. But after returning from the interview, the more I took the decision to prayer, the more I was convicted that this opportunity was a gift that the Lord was presenting me with; all I had to do was say, "Yes Lord."

In the days to leading up to my trip to Nashville, and in my time there, all of these thoughts of "How is this going to work out?" "What if this happens?" "What if that happens" or "What if there is not much of a Catholic community here?" "What if it means that I will have no chance of meeting a spouse here?...Maybe moving from D.C. is just my resignation of leaving the 'happening-scene' and being a spinster forever." "What if there is nothing fun to do?" "What if I am really lonely?"

In the midst of my "what-ifs" and "how is this going to work out?" I felt as if God was saying, "I am not asking you to say "Yes" to all of these "what-ifs", or even anything beyond this job -- anything beyond this step right in front of you. I am just asking you to say yes to this one thing. All else will fall into place. "

I was thinking a lot about Our Lady's Fiat; her utter uncertainty in that moment, and the way that she just had to say yes to that one thing that God was asking of her. She had to trust that God would take care of all else as His will unfolded.

It is terrifying and overwhelming to think about moving to a brand-new city where I barely know anyone. It's 9 hours from my home and family, and 11 hours from DC, where I have such dear friends and a wonderful Catholic community.

But in talking with good friends and family, it's been made clear to me that this is not only a job opportunity that God has blessed me with. It is a job opportunity that in so many ways is exactly the sort of job that I have been looking for. It includes working with a seemingly wonderful group of people, having exactly the professional responsibilities and daily tasks that I have aspired to have, and having a lot of room for professional growth. Furthermore, there has definitely been a growing desire over the past year for me to live in a place that is slower paced, and a place where people put down roots, rather than flit in and out as is customary in D.C. I want to live in a place where I can be a part of a strong local community, and find my place there, wherever that might be.

I feel that God is presenting me with a beautiful gift, and I am filled with awe and gratitude at His unexpected and captivating movement in my life.

I am certain that this job will be filled with it's own challenges, frustrations, and hardships; but I am also certain that this is what He has for me now. He is calling me onward to this next step, and I have to take a faith-filled leap into the unknown. As Brian Volck says on the Image blog, "Vocation, like community, challenges and holds one accountable even as it offers gifts and opens doors."

In the few weeks leading up to my interview, I had discovered a new favorite song, "I will follow You," by Chris Tomlin. Little did I know that the lyrics of this song would soon become the song of my heart, sung excitedly, anxiously, graciously, and determinedly.

I Will Follow
Chris Tomlin

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow.

Here's to a big step down a new road in my life. I will follow You.

Glory.

Autumn in Beaver, PA

Not alone

A friend of mine recently lent me the book "Interior Freedom", by Jacques Philippe. I have read another book by this author, and was really moved by his spiritual reflections which are at the same time simple and down-to-earth, yet very profound. During this time in my life when I am making big decisions, anticipating change and the unknown, I found the following passage, which is the closing reflection in the book, to be so inspirational. We are never alone - He always goes before us, leading us and guiding us.

"By way of conclusion, I offer for the reader's meditation a beautiful dialogue between Jesus and a contemporary Spanish spiritual writer, who has had a close relationship with Our Lady since childhood who has chosen to remain anonymous.


flickr/ by andycoan


'Have you never wondered which of all the things that you experience causes me the greatest joy?'

'No,' I said to Jesus.

He answered, 'When in lucid freedom, you say yes to God's calls.' And then He continued, 'remember what it says in the Gospel, "The truth will make you free." You can only respond freely to the calls of grace when your own truth becomes clear, when you accept it humbly, and when on that basis, you maintain a conversation with God, realizing that everything that has happened and has happened to you is part of a loving and providential project of your Father God.'

'Yes, many things will cause you perplexity, They will even plunge you into intense darkness, and, still more, into suffering that wounds and paralyzes you. But if you have recourse to your faith, it will be your shield. Doesn't God reveal himself as your Abba?  Have not I, the Son, taken on your condition at it's most wretched? Doesn't the Paraclete defend you? Believe all this will your heart and soul, and it will fill you with trust and confidence.'

'Don't be afraid of yourselves! Don't be afraid of all that you are in your human reality, where God pitches His tent to dwell with you. God is incarnation. God's new name is Emmanuel, God is with us: God with your reality. Open yourself to it without fear. Only in the measure you discover yourself will you will discover the depths of his love. In the depths of what you are, you will experience that you are not alone. Someone, lovingly and mercifully, not as spectator, not as judge, but as someone who loves you, who offers himself to you, who espouses you to free you, save you, and heal you...To stay with you forever, loving you, loving you!' "