Small enough

On my way to work this morning as I was reading my morning prayer, I was thinking about how I was not looking forward to beginning the boring drudgery of my job. Same old, same old. Rather monotonous, not exciting. I am sure that I have alluded to this before, but as someone with a strong melancholic disposition, I am spurred on by feeling as if I am working towards some great ideal, changing the world and making a difference. Doing something honorable and noble. When I don't feel a sense of passionate purpose for my work it's very difficult for me to maintain an enthusiastic attitude towards my duty. I am a visionary who likes to connect my task and experience of the moment with a sweeping vision of grandeur - the grandeur of seeking the Good, the True, and the Beautiful. The problem is, as deeply as I seek to connect the mundane with the holy in my daily life, I am often frustrated when I am unable to see how the tiny acts of faithfulness add up to a bigger, noble project of obedience.

I think that all of us who seek to do the work of the Lord would choose, if possible, to do the more glamorous work, such as being a missionary in a foreign country, or writing books that will change hearts. It struck me this morning, that so much of doing God's will in our lives is dependent on us letting ourselves be small enough. Small enough to accept that God knows in advance the good works He has prepared for us to do. Even if these are the most seemingly secular, straightforward, material tasks. This is His will for us, His way to lead us closer to Himself, His mysterious way of our sanctification. It's that little letting go, that obedience to do small things, that has the potential to bring forth great grace. The grace of the moment, though, is just oh so hidden. Especially when I think about how I just want to take a nap at 2pm, or how meaningless the task at hand seems. Grace...huh? Holiness? I'm just bored! The grace of the moment is waiting for us, in our selfless assent to complete the duty of the moment with love.

This morning in an effort to rouse myself to be more productive and faithful in my workday, I read some quotes on the website escrivaworks.org. I found out later that tomorrow is Saint Josemaria Escriva's feast day, so reflecting on his words was all the more fitting. This quote was particularly inspirational to me:

"When you started your ordinary work again, something like a groan of complaint escaped you: “It’s always the same!”

And I told you: “Yes, it’s always the same. But that ordinary job —which is the same one your fellow workers do — has to be a constant prayer for you. It has the same lovable words, but a different tune each day.”

It is very much our mission to transform the prose of this life into poetry, into heroic verse." - The Furrow, 500

In fulfilling our mundane daily duties, whether they be in the office, in the home, or in the school, we are charged with the challenge to transform all of these tasks into an act of love. It is by doing these tasks with love that we offer our efforts to Christ and our work is made holy. To be completely honest though, I must say that I don't really know what it means, on a practical level, to offer your tasks to the Lord as an act of love. There is still a bit of a disconnect for me. I suppose that it begins with a prayer, or a series of prayers throughout the duration of the tasks of the day in conscienously offering your work as a prayer. It means looking for the Lord in the midst of these tasks. I envision that above all, it is a disposition of the heart that one develops by assenting to the duties of the moment, especially the small ones. By giving our own fiat, moment by moment, we accept what the Lord has for us. And in this moment, we find His love burning there. I wish I could get there in one fell swoop. I wish this was a disposition that I could just acquire automatically. But I know that it's a process and a grace, learned along the journey.

St. Josemaria Escriva, pray for us!