Be Thou my Vision

Vision. We all want to have a glorious vision, a defined framework, and a honorable mission for our lives. We want some exuberant goal on which to set our sights. But we want it to be a clear cut way of life, outlined for us to take on a specific mission with passion. In a certain sense, as Catholics, we believe that a major part of this vision for our lives is our own personal vocation. Are we called to give ourselves fully to the Church, as a religious? Or to another person, our spouse, in marriage? Or to the world in His service as a consecrated lay person? There is a yearning in all of us to identify this vision for our lives, take this specific life-path that we were created for, and live out our vocation wholeheartedly.

Enter 20-something singleness. A state of life filled with yearning for that unique vision, longing to see it's fulfillement. But a time also wracked with soul-searching, confusion, and anxiety, trying to figure out just where it is that He wants me to go, who it is that He wants me to be. And did I mention, when will that moment of discovering my vocation finally come? This is a place I am very much at right now, just wanting to see how my sometimes isolated, work-a-day life right now fits into His greater plan for my joy. As a melancholic idealist, it is that sense of noble vision, deeper purpose, which impels me to drudge through the daily grind and monotonous tasks because I have an understanding that I am working towards a specific greater glory. But what about when I am seemingly visionless, and unsure of where He is leading me, what vocation or lifework He is calling me?

I remember a priest at Ave Maria giving a homily about trust. It really impacted me, because this was about 5 years ago, and I still go back to it continually. I remember him saying how we all want to be able to see the future, to see the big picture ahead of us so we can understand God's purposes and callings. And yet, he said, so often, it is like we are holding a pencil-sized flashlight in front our our feet, the only light to guide our way. This tiny light is all that we can see in front of us. And it is through accepting that we are only able to see that tiny, tiny, spec of light in front of us, that we learn radical faith and trust.

In the midst of my confusion and anxiety about my current state in life and inability to see where in the world God is leading me, He really spoke to my heart through a devotional passage. I have been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, and I came upon this meditation about "God's Purpose or Mine?"

"What is my vision of God's purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me."

"What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is alright because I see Him "walking on the sea (6:49)"

Peter Walks on Water, 1806 by Philipp Otto Runge

Reading this meditation brought me such comfort and conviction to the places in my heart that are heaviest right now. It's so hard not to have a clear vision of where I am headed or where He wants me to go. Not to have the framework of marriage, or religious life where I respond to the demands of love and receive the gifts of love within a particular states-of-life.

His word? For now, my vision must be wholly on Him. Watching Him walk on the water. Watching Him work the miracle of standing on the raging seas. I am called not to follow one specific life's vocation right now, but to set my eyes on Him, that He would "be thou my vision", totally, completely. And while I am looking at Him, He will move in me, and in my life.

As Oswald Chambers continues,

"God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it...God's purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now... If we realize that moment by moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."